• To Love Or Not To Love

    by  • December 13, 2016 • * Safe for Work *, Guilt • 7 Comments

    Does anyone have the problem where they really, REALLY care about other people? I’m an 18 year old female and I have a problem. People fall in love with me too much. I know that sounds like I’m full of myself, but it happens too much, and I hate it. People legitimately become addicted to me; they see me as their only source of happiness. Personally, I’ve gone through a lot and am dealing with depression and anxiety, so I am easily able to empathize with and comfort others. I truly care about them and want to bring them joy. But then they become infatuated… They think about me 24/7, asking for my time and opinions. And when I’m feeling down or have something to do, they try to make me feel bad about it. Some have even threatened suicide, which I will never take lightly as someone who has attempted, so I fall for their trap and give them attention. I just want to spread love and compassion. I want to treat others the way I want to be treated. I’m tired of everyone thinking I’m “the one for them” when I can only be with one person, and I get to choose who. I know these people probably don’t actually love me, but it doesn’t change the heartache they feel, which makes my heart ache as well… Should I change who I am? Care less about others? I want to be there to comfort people, though… It makes me happy. However, this emotional abuse from those who “love” me is draining my energy and wearing me thin… I am not finding much to live for. It hurts to see others suffer, and then it hurts when they make me suffer if I can’t be there for them…

    7 Responses to To Love Or Not To Love

    1. It will get better
      December 14, 2016 at 5:46 pm

      Having been an 18 yr old gorgeous girl myself, many, many moons ago with a box full of ‘undying’ love letters. Having had men/boys ask me to marry them and be obsessed with me. Some still are to a certain extent – because now I’m much older – I’m also pretty damn cool, hahaha.

      The worst thing that can happen to you in any relationship – is you get put on a pedestal. You are human, you will make mistakes – and then these obsessed and in love men can be extremely scathing. They aren’t seeing the real you – you are a fantasy to them and as long as you stay that then all is good. The minute you want to be human and relax – you will fall from their eyes. Also, you MUST know what you want and in those men who you just KNOW you can’t reciprocate – BE KIND and TRUTHFUL. Offer your friendship and don’t give hope of anything else – I have gained some lifelong male friends that way because I treated them and their feelings with respect and honour but stayed true to myself.

      The other thing that I wish I hadn’t done is get sick of my life and the amount of men who just wanted to USE me – frankly – it was disgusting out there in the meat market. men were just fricken disgusting to me and it was relentless. RELENTLESS. I married at 20 because of it – I thought if I married and settled down I could get out of the pond/meat market. He was entirely unsuitable for me as I had already made up my mind the next man who asks me I would marry. I spent the next 2.5 decades compounding that one mistake and I gave up the best years of my life to somebody who never appreciated it. I was miserable.

      I hadn’t finished growing and I chose someone who could not/would not grow with me.

      In a nutshell my advice would be – don’t let the disgusting lechers get you down – ignore and grow a thick skin. Be unfailingly kind to those men who are genuine but who you know you can’t do a relationship with. Stay celibate if need be. It is easier than you think. AND it is really freeing when you decide to just not have relationships. Go to UNIVERSITY and get a DEGREE. Beauty fades – intelligence grows and gives self respect. TRAVEL. And don’t fall for a man with a silver tongue.. Fall for one who will allow you to make mistakes, be human, sometimes grumpy, sometimes sad – someone who KNOWS for a fact that you aren’t perfect but accepts, respects and loves you anyway. He has to be EVERY bit as forgiving of you as you are to him. If you can have a full emotional range with him, talk to him about YOU as well then that is gold. I was depressed at your age too. Believe me – these ones who think you are the one – will forget you.

      Get an education. Be self reliant. Don’t take shit but always be kind. Good luck.

    2. @it gets better and better alright. Ive heard it all
      December 19, 2016 at 3:58 pm

      Oh my Lord. I wrote quite the truthful reply to it gets better. Really. I’m glad you are able to say this without any qualms.

    3. questions
      December 21, 2016 at 12:09 pm

      Perhaps you are too nice to people? Perhaps you do not really like them as much as you make them think?

    4. honesty hurts
      December 21, 2016 at 12:14 pm

      Lies hurt as well.

    5. Jessie
      December 25, 2016 at 1:26 am

      Thank you for your insight. 🙂

    6. @questioning honesty
      December 26, 2016 at 11:25 pm

      Being honest is the only way to be.

      Nice is how I describe my mother The people in my life say it how it is. A real friend will do this. We don’t always like what is said to us yet what if its the truth & we were wrong not realising this? How else do we learn from our mistakes, apologise & grow from it?

      A question for you? How many genuine life long friends of the same sex do you have? One’s who would in an emegemcy at anytime of day or night be there for you in the flesh? Not only a sympathetic ear.

    7. questions
      December 28, 2016 at 7:50 am

      Interesting response. So nothing’s your fault.

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