I still think about you, everyday. It’s been a while, but I still carry loneliness, sadness and hurt. I felt real, passionate, beautiful love. I often wonder if it was all a lie. The man I dated at the beginning of our relationship was completely different than the man I sat in the car crying with on that last night. I gave my whole heart away and put your happiness, goals and dreams before my own.
When I first saw you, I saw a man with endless potential. You had the biggest goals and dreams for yourself. I saw a kind, caring and selfless soul like mine. As I got to know you, I thought I could change your selfish, cynical soul to a beautiful and caring soul.
You were the one that no one could tie down. When I did, I felt a sense of accomplishment. The longer we were together the more your narcissistic soul came out. You made me believe that I had to change who I was in order to be with you, and you made me believe I would never be good enough for you.
The truth is, I was too good for you. I never put my foot down when you would walk all over me and tell me hurtful things during our nasty fights. I learned so much reflecting on our relationship these last months. There were so many red flags that I ignored. I got so caught up in being able to change you into the man you had the potential to be, I didn’t see the real you.
I’m scared because as I begin finally opening myself up again, I look for you in men I date. I look for qualities that remind me of you. I look for someone to fix, someone with unrecognized potential. I promised myself that when we broke up, that I would never again date someone like you.
So please, my fragile soul, stop settling. Stop settling for the men who don’t make you a priority. Those who make plans just to break them. Stop waiting around for men who will never change. Stop ignoring red flags that are so clearly there, and stop accepting excuses. Do yourself a favor- stop responding, stop hoping, stop wishing and remember what you deserve.
Realize there is a man out there that you won’t have to change. Look for the man who makes you feel adored, loved and cared for. He is the one that you don’t need to question how much he likes you or if you’re the only one. He is true to his word and wants to plan adventures with you. You don’t have to question things, because you just know.
He is the one who speaks to your soul in a way no one else can. Your souls are made up the same, and when you find him, you will know.