this website in the dying days of a similar website, grouphug. This guy I used to know showed me that one. I don’t recall if the gesture was intended as a way to communicate or if it was to show me something I could enjoy. I do remember the fright when things I read started hitting way too close to the real life situations for me to be completely comfortable saying it was all coincidental. I remember when some very heavy situations would come about, instead of really talking..There would just seemingly related bits posted there. I got addicted to trying to interpret it, even as the real world situations seemed to push me into increasingly precarious emotional situations.
I’d tell him I just needed the friendship.
He was someone who liked to test reactionary responses of the people around him, Myself included. I was very dull though you know, I don’t call it as I sees it when he confuses me with different women throughout the entirety of our knowing each other, I brush it off. I brush off the spiteful little jabs here and there. I figure I deserve them. That I have some debt I gotta pay.
I’d tell myself I was fulfilling some divine contract, where if I could make it through that..good things would come from it. I don’t know where that idea came from…I mean I met some really cool people that are still in my life… teachers and whatnot.. but yeah.
I had a lot of dreams around that time that would come true or relate in some way, but the ones in relation to that guy in general.. always involved being led somewhere and left behind, or being this person on the fringes of whatever he was doing. That was probably one of the worst of my delusions, that and the occasional gripping fear that I was going to get murdered.
If there was a lesson in all that it was that just because I dream it and it comes true, doesn’t mean I have to follow it.