What do you do after you have a bad day at work? What about after you have a good day?
What do you do after you hear a funny joke?
What do you do after you eat something really tasty?
What do you do after you experience anything noteworthy in your life?
I’d imagine you share it with your girlfriend. That’s the blessing of sharing your life with someone else.
Me? I do nothing. There is no one for me to share my experiences with, no one I can tell about the little details of my life. Whether I have a good day, a bad day, whether I’m happy, sad, angry, it doesn’t matter. I come home and its just me. Always. Every day. Every night. For years.
I don’t know how to explain this to you. I hope you don’t know what it feels like. I don’t even know if you care. You’re the only person I want to share with, and I want you to share with me too. But I cant and you wont. I tell myself its out of your control, that if you could, you would. But that’s not true. There’s nothing holding you back but your own decisions. Maybe you don’t care. I have to try to convince myself otherwise.
You spend enough time with yourself, you handle every emotion on the spectrum by yourself…I don’t think it’s good for you. Not good for me, I mean. It influences who I am to such a great degree. Truthfully, I’m not nearly as hopeful about the future as I used to be. Because more likely than not, Ill still be alone.
But you, you’re not. You’re not ever alone. So I don’t expect you to understand. I don’t want your pity (not that i would get it even if I did). Honestly, I’m happy just for your most basic acknowledgment. I know, I’m so needy. Wanting attention from you ever. If only I could be half as perfect as Id have to be to be with you.