• Goodbye Cin

    by  • December 5, 2016 • * Safe for Work *, To You • 41 Comments

    My lifelong muse,
    I hate doing things with such finality but the time has come to close up shop and move along. My world is just too far away to keep up this lame attempt at rekindling a fire that never burned. I hope that being such an important part of my heart and my soul will warm you somewhat but, as you are well aware, I have others who rely on my sanity and my presence. Love you kid, probably always will but I will be saying goodbye now.

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    41 Responses to Goodbye Cin

    1. Snide
      December 5, 2016 at 2:25 pm

      You break my heart! ????




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    2. Jason
      December 7, 2016 at 1:31 pm

      Well I can truly say you say a lot with a few words. I’ll always love you for just being you. Every journey eventually has to end




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    3. Jason
      December 8, 2016 at 4:38 am

      To my muse,
      That last posting was rather abrupt and there’s so much more that could be said . It’s not in my DNA to be able to hurt you because you have meant so much to me through my life. Realizing that we were watching two different movies in two different theaters has finally sunk in and while it is depressing it also is necessary to move on and get by this. Of course fully getting by this will never be possible for me but there comes a time when you have to throw sheets on the memories and move out of the house that holds them. I think we are both too old for broken hearts and childhood crushes but that doesn’t mean that part of me deep inside will always have a special place for you. I will always have a boys all encompassing love and passion for you kid.




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      • SNIDE
        December 9, 2016 at 4:44 am

        you promised me you would never leave again!
        but here you are doing this
        i will always love you JH. always have always will
        you know how to find me
        you know where i am
        door will always be open for you
        be happy and healthy
        be safe
        ALWAYS
        CIN




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    4. Jason
      December 12, 2016 at 4:40 am

      Thank you Cin,

      In the next life then. Always remember what was written for you came directly from my heart and was penned in blood. I will always love you kid.

      Me




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      • SNIDE
        December 14, 2016 at 3:59 am

        this is the hardest thing ( next to loosing my dad) i have ever done




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    5. Jason
      December 15, 2016 at 7:30 am

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=huDWAc61Lx4

      Of fairy tales, beams of light slicing from the heavens, and goddesses capturing hearts, the lions head ship of our travels awaits our next incarnation. I will wait at the pier of a child’s dream for your arrival.




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      • SNIDE
        December 16, 2016 at 5:19 am

        so beautiful
        it made me cry
        this whole thing is so sad for you and for me




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    6. Jason
      December 16, 2016 at 4:49 pm

      Yes princess it is




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    7. SNIDE
      December 19, 2016 at 4:23 am

      im so heart broken
      my your holiday be wonderful
      and your New Year head you where you need to be
      love you always




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    8. Jason
      December 23, 2016 at 8:01 am

      Happy Birthday my Muse. I wish only good things for you and a peaceful soul.




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    9. Just a puff of memories....
      January 3, 2017 at 4:20 am

      Happy New Year and Happy Birthday again,

      How completely difficult this thought of turning pages has been. I think more about you now…. I saw a letter written by a husband who has realized his want and love for a friend and I had to think back to make sure I wasn’t the author, but the desire was mutual so that cleared things up. Honestly, that is the only thing that has allowed me any sense of grounding. The one way direction of desire. Makes me feel foolish sometimes, but on a warm day not so long ago, you straddled my bare leg on your old stoop and the sensation burned into my mind. I kinda think you have stopped checking back so I feel it’s okay to vent a bit and let the page know i still feel you against me.




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      • SNIDE
        January 5, 2017 at 5:01 am

        wow, i just got to see we both wrote something here within minutes of each other. and was posted today/last night, i do remember and i do check here to see but then i thought since i cant email/tex/call this was the only place i might find you.
        seems like we both thought the same thing
        miss you




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    10. SNIDE
      January 3, 2017 at 4:45 am

      hope your 2017 is wonderful
      may it be filled with love, happiness and all your dreams come true




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    11. Me
      January 4, 2017 at 6:38 pm

      One won’t




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      • SNIDE
        January 9, 2017 at 5:42 am

        im sorry for the “one wont”




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    12. One who remembers so well
      January 7, 2017 at 2:51 pm

      It was a very very special moment in time … for me at any rate. It is probably the last time I could taste the desire I felt.




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    13. Sometimes Senseless
      January 9, 2017 at 12:33 pm

      No reason for apology. It just was a difference in feelings. I get it. I’m ok with the fact you were honest about things. I got carried away, I have no regrets muse. I’m actually glad you were just happy to hang out for a bit of time. I know I was starting to wear out the welcome during the last visits and before you started hiding I thought it best just to kinda fade away. So please don’t say your sorry kid. We both know better. Like I said, I’m glad one of us had some sense of reality. It was not me.




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    14. Such drama
      January 9, 2017 at 7:46 pm

      Seriously, shut the fuck up and get over your selves. Such drama. If you want to be together then fucking leave the person that you are stuck with. Honestly I hate selfish fucks like you.




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    15. Not the author
      January 10, 2017 at 1:49 am

      @ Such drama. What a god-damn ray of fucking sunshine you are! Either a troll, or such a bitter ghost of a person that you can’t let people vent here in peace without spewing your bile out. Pull your head in or piss off.




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    16. Hater of ugly people
      January 10, 2017 at 3:48 am

      Spoken like a lonely, soulless creature. Eat shit




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    17. @Such drama
      January 10, 2017 at 3:54 am

      Yeay, some passion on here:)




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    18. Kindred Spirit
      January 11, 2017 at 4:48 am

      I have followed this story for years and I find it hard to believe you don’t see the real emotions that these two people have expressed over time. Some of their writings have moved me to tears because of the way they say things I feel deep inside and never could express with such exposure to my inner me. Whoever they really are makes no difference to me, they have shared so much, especially Jason, of themselves that I feel as if I know them. You will probably call me pathetic but I think I would rather be pathetic than dead inside. Don’t listen to people like this J&C, they never bothered to care for anyone but themselves. I still follow and love you two.

      A Sympathetic Soul




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    19. Still reading
      January 12, 2017 at 4:11 am

      Kindred said it all. I have also been touched by these two peoples story and actually have looked specifically for their postings. I think they are trapped in life’s grey area and as sad as that is, it will never change for them. That doesn’t mean they have to “shut the fuck up” however. He is also one of the best writers I have come across here and has had me cry more than once. Let their story be “such drama”.




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      • SNIDE
        January 13, 2017 at 4:10 am

        to “such drama” and “hmm”
        we met in 5th grade (way back in the 60’s)
        and i was on that other side but why cant i have a friend???
        talk about soulless!
        and yes he is a wonderful writer and its of our fantasy, so you dont have to like it but weren’t you ever taught manners? if you have nothing nice to say, dont say anything at all. even Thumper knows that. so you, know he is the one with ties and im the one who has the brains!
        i would never destroy a household because it happened to me!!
        so read away but if you are a rude spirit which it seems, please enjoy your rudeness to yourselves
        thanks
        CIN




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    20. SNIDE
      January 12, 2017 at 4:29 am

      Kindred spirit
      thank you
      cin




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    21. Such drama
      January 12, 2017 at 8:16 am

      Ugh. The fact that it’s been going on for years makes it even MORE pathetic. You want to show off your literary genious, write a book of poems. Poor, poor you. Never mind the people you are deceiving. How nice that you have advocates on LINS to make you feel justified in your selfish behavior.

      Not everyone on this PUBLIC forum (hence my prerogative to “spew” whatever I choose, and whatever the moderator approves) thinks this is beautiful and romantic. And how arrogant to not expect anyone to see it differently, simply because of one’s elegant prose.

      “Kindred”, it’s because I DID bother to care for someone that carried on a similar “romance” (for lack of a better word) that prompted my ire at this endless drivel. The lies, the deceit, the droning on about how tragic this all is for them makes me ill. Is it so “beautiful” for the ones they hurt? I think not. But do they care? Hmph.

      Do any of you? I suppose it’s because you’ve never been on the other side of it. And if you have, and you still find these two romantic, well, talk about soulless.




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    22. Hmm
      January 12, 2017 at 8:56 pm

      I got a strange and creepy feeling about this whole thing. Like an older dude manipulating a younger girl. And it makes him feel better about himself because he is smarter than her and older than her. Has a kind of a creepy, pedophile vibe.




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    23. Hmmm I agree
      January 13, 2017 at 2:45 am

      Yeah he definitely has an air of arrogance about him. Like he thinks he’s superior to her and he’s the ‘artist’. BLAH.




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    24. Jason
      January 13, 2017 at 4:14 pm

      Wow, what the hell? How can something meant just to share a very long friendship and allow a soul to speak be so vilified? We have not seen each other in years and when she warms my thoughts I write it here, for her and for those who can identify with our story. Really sad to read some of these entries. Thank you for some of the nice thoughts passed along, it shows there is some passion left in this world. Thank you Cin, it was all for you anyway. Really depressing to be called an arrogant manipulative child molester, especially given the truth of who your hurling your venom at.




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      • SNIDE
        January 17, 2017 at 5:23 am

        love you too
        but this is ours, so snafu to all the dromedary’s out there




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    25. Such drama
      January 14, 2017 at 10:17 pm

      Maybe you make yourself feel better by not “destroying a household”, but perpetuating an emotional affair is not so smart really. Whether your affair was never consummated, I don’t know. I have not followed your story. Do you even understand how devastating it would be to his significant other/family or whatever, to realize that they are of no significance to him, because he would rather be with you? You are his “fantasy” and he is yours, apparently. If you have really, and I mean really, been on the “other side” then you of all people should understand the consequences of your role In this. You and he are no better than the people that hurt you. Contrary to your comments, I do have manners. I do not have affairs with people on the side, emotional or otherwise. Good luck with your forever romance. I only hope that the people that love him will never find out what a phony bastard he really is.




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    26. Dr.Fill
      January 16, 2017 at 4:54 am

      Dear drama,
      Thank God you watch dr. phil and your up to date on your pious jargon. Sorry you were unable to keep your spouse from dropping their drawers for someone other than you. How could that happen? Couldn’t be you, nah no way your a peach. I just can’t believe a good person like you could be done wrong. Your understanding, thoughtful insight, and obvious ability to remove yourself from the equation leads me to think your cheating spouse was possessed by Satin himself. I hope all is good with your cats and the neighbors kids have been quelled into silence as not to disturb your world. As for hmmmmmn, your a twisted fuck and should turn yourself in before they find out what’s on your laptop and where that is going to end up heading to. You two should get together, drama could be cooking a pot pie for hmmmm as he is scoping out the kids next door. Watch the pot pie hmmmmmn, drama didn’t wash up after cleaning the 22 litter boxes. Yeah drama you can’t smell a thing.




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      • Such drama
        January 16, 2017 at 6:39 pm

        Yawn…




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      • Hmm
        January 16, 2017 at 8:41 pm

        Dr. Phil? Seriously? Oh, that’s original. Another “victim blaming” douchebag. (That’s a Dr. Phil term too, right?) LOL! I happen to like cats. If the chick has 22, even better! For real, who gives a crap what the term for it is these days, if you gotta hide it, you’re doing something WRONG! Sorry you are so angry Dr. Fill, but obviously you spend too much time on the couch stuffing your face with Fritos watching the show. You got your boxers all in a bunch, didn’t ya. Simmer down now. Simmer down.

        BTW I also love pot pie 😉




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        • SNIDE
          January 18, 2017 at 4:09 am

          talk to your mom that way
          you mam/sir are just a rude individual.
          you must be a snowflake!!




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    27. Such drama
      January 16, 2017 at 4:59 pm

      News flash: “Friends” don’t have to communicate in anonymity. How about being a good friend to the one you chose to share your life with, and let this go? Oh, I get it. It’s all so fucking harmless as long as it’s kept a secret.

      2nd news flash: Emotional affairs are just as devastating to the ones you deceive.

      I guess you’ll find out for yourself when the cracks in your poetic veneer become chasms, and your deepest, festering secrets lay visible to your victim(s). A storm is brewing, dear Jason. Prepare yourself.

      Yeah, so…good luck with that!




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    28. No longer Jason
      January 17, 2017 at 5:19 am

      This has become so hateful. Drama, I have wrought pain down and, as much as I hate to admit it, am wrong in continuing to look back. Nothing here is as easy as “black or white ” but the truth is “it’s not right”. While I know your words were harsh, I also get it. The words are your inner voice, penned in blood as well. There is always a much deeper story to all of this than can be written but the end result must be the truth and my truth does not belong here. All the negativity being shot back and forth is a slap of reality. I thank those who have listened to my flights of fantasy but the pure vitriol that has emerged has poisoned the message and messenger. This entire thread started as a good bye to someone who meant a great deal to me in my early life and remained as an unread page in my minds story. I had every intention of closing that book and putting in the shelf of memories but, out of weakness and fear of leaving it unresolved, I kept coming back. It is resolved deep within, just not in my selfish conscious where I still see and feel the past. It is sometimes overwhelming but it is also just dreams. I will not equivocate, I was and am wrong.
      I will apologize for any pain or hurt I have caused. I will always have my memories, skewed as they are. She is an amazing spirit and I was blessed to have the limbs of my heart warmed by the light breeze that is Cin.

      Good bye




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    29. %
      January 17, 2017 at 3:31 pm

      Very much enjoyed Jason and Cindy’s story and yet – why do I have a feeling that this entire conversation – the forward and back banter between J and C , was penned by just one writer?!

      Wishing J and C good luck in life.




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    30. @drama
      January 18, 2017 at 4:23 am

      It’s about time!!!!!




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    31. Such Drama
      January 18, 2017 at 4:08 pm

      You are still Jason. Your words just as intriguing in this last reply. Which, I have to admit, give me a pang of guilt for lashing out so harshly. Sometimes when people are angry about their own situations, in this case it was me, it seems easier to project it onto others rather than resolving their own internal conflicts. I foolishly thought it would be therapeutic. But I was wrong. For that I am truly sorry. To both you and Cin. In this case, my thoughts went directly to the person or persons that would be irreparably damaged if your feelings for another came to light. My only hope is that if you really love this person, you will be able to create your own fantastic relationship with her. The one who is right in front of you. The one who is potentially begging, whether internally or externally, for your attention and affection. But that can’t happen as long as you’re holding on to what can’t ever be. If Cin was really hiding from you, as you said, perhaps she recognized that as well. (She did say she was the smart one!) As for me, I forgot for a moment that we are all human.




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