Joey, Joseph, Daniel, whatever you’re going by these days,
I miss you. I wish I didn’t. I think I told you I didn’t want anything more to do with you three years ago. You were coming in and out of my life and getting my hopes up. You were my best friend, I loved you, and I don’t think I really even knew you. Maybe I did know you, somewhat. I knew your character. I knew that you were a broken person, just like me. I knew that I could tell you anything and I felt comfortable doing so. I’ve never been able to do that with another person other than you. Even if you didn’t react the way I would have liked you to I still felt I could say those things to you. I wish you could have treated me better. I wish you could have treated yourself better. Toward the end of our communications I could see that you were falling apart, falling into alcoholism. You had gotten your life together up until that point. You weren’t happy. I hope you’re happy. I hope you’re okay. You got me through a time in my life where I had nothing to look forward to, no reason for waking up each day. You became my reason for living, for getting healthy, for looking toward my future. Even if you weren’t always good for me (or to me) and I wasn’t always good for you (or to you) I still felt connected to you and less alone; which is something I needed. I think I need that now, too. I don’t know if you ever truly loved me but I know that our friendship was real. I think that’s what I miss the most. Watching stupid TV shows that other people find repugnant and sharing in the laughter, talking about our days, being silly. I have so much I want to share with you. I have so much I want to know about you. I want you back in my life, permanently. I don’t mean as a romantic partner, I’m not sure we work that way, at least we didn’t when we were younger. I want you to be my friend for life, in real life. You’re my Joey and I’m your Rachel. I don’t think you’ll ever read this, but I hope by some twist of fate that you do and you contact me. Just don’t disappear if you do. You know how to reach me.