• Help

    by  • November 29, 2016 • * Safe for Work *, To You • 9 Comments

    I’ve realized that I am a horrible person and that my mind is filled with terrible things. I used to think I was a good person. The universe is trying to send me a strong message- I don’t know whether it would be best for me and the people in my life (the few remaining) to kill myself, try and fix things, or get on a lot of medication. I feel like I have to do something but I don’t know what. Part of me feels this is my punishment and there is little I can do, part of me feels that someone is pulling the strings and doesn’t want me to get better, and part of me feels that I deserve the worst. Part of me feels that everyone deserves a chance to change, although I did not extend that kindness to others and I know that is part of why I am experiencing this now. I am asking for help or guidance if it is out there. I am sorry.

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    9 Responses to Help

    1. Dark Angel
      November 29, 2016 at 10:37 pm

      I doubt you are a horrible person, but you clearly know you’ve made some terrible decisions in life. Want some advice? Don’t take advantage of others that care and love you. Take care of yourself, forgive yourself and work on being a thoughtful, happy person. Apologize to those you have wronged and try not take life for granted. Take yourself and put yourself in someone else’s shoes and you will see the world differently. Suicide is selfish and hurtful to those around you. It’s never the answer.




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    2. @author
      November 30, 2016 at 3:00 am

      The fact that these bad thoughts have you feeling overwhelmed and like a bad person shows you are in fact normal. Terrible thoughts are apart of our DNA so to speak. Its human nature. You shouldn’t focus on the terrible thoughts so much. When I have down right evil thoughts I just think to myself where did that come from? You have to train yourself to focus on good throughts even if its only few you have. Being under stress and depression can cause chemical imbalances. They make great medications for that. Paxil is a good one and it doesn’t leave you feeling zoned out. Its a step up medication that can take a couple of weeks to see results. It balances out chemicals in the brain and gives you a since of well being with more positive thoughts. Chemical unbalance can make the negative, evil, unwanted thoughts to soar. I’m not a big fan of valume or xanax. Those medications Just mask the problem and only make you want to sleep. Paxil has no effects like that.

      Its good you want help. That makes me happy.




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      • K.
        December 3, 2016 at 9:33 pm

        You are 100% right it is very normal.




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    3. @author
      November 30, 2016 at 3:19 am

      Medication isn’t a bad choice. Paxil is a good medication. It balances out chemicals without harsh effects like sleepiness. Chemical imbalances can cause bad thoughts to soar. Everyone has terrible thoughts. Its normal, but when you are experiencing chemical unbalance it can make them worse. I say try an anti depressant that balances brain chemistry. Paxil is a good medication that I have been on. I don’t believe a person gets punished with bad thoughts. Why? Because God doesn’t work that way. If you were on medicine then stopped them all of a sudden then you can be sure your chemicals are unbalanced. Its never a good idea to abruptly stop medication cold turkey. I vote try medication to balance out brain chemicals.

      Best wishes




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    4. @author
      November 30, 2016 at 7:47 am

      I dont know what exactly you are going through, but if you want to talk and vent you can do it here. Someone is always listening even if we are anonymous.




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    5. T.
      November 30, 2016 at 11:23 am

      we all want a chance to been as a beautiful person and to love and be loved by the right one. :/




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    6. It will be okay
      November 30, 2016 at 9:57 pm

      Darling, you’re not a horrible person. Killing yourself is not the answer. Change is always possible.




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    7. K.
      December 1, 2016 at 12:17 am

      It’s never best to kill yourself, no matter how bad of a person you think you are. You don’t give much detail but some mental Heath disorders can only be fixed with balancing your brain chemistry out by taking pills. I know because I was just like you…. There is help if you ask for it and it will get better.




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    8. Peter C
      December 2, 2016 at 4:00 pm

      @author

      When your mind is filled with terrible things, it is hard to hear anyone saying you are not a horrible person. It’s like the evidence is all right there, too much of it, and too loud to ignore.

      When someone says “I deserve this terrible stuff in my life” it always says to me that they have a strong inner compass. A strong sense of what they expect of themselves, and knowing when they fall short. But even compasses can be tricked. I wonder if your evidence holds up in the light of day? Is what you have done truly so uniquely terrible that out of this whole world, you don’t deserve to live any more? Do you think that’s likely?

      You say you did not extend to others the chance to change. That may be so. But it is still a chance that you personally have. Sometimes the best revenge on the wrong we have done is to purposely live a better life. The best way to give others a chance in future is to give yourself a chance now. Did you know that we form over a million new neuron connections each second? We are changing and morphing all the time, without cease, every moment. Perhaps all you need to do is take one step in a different direction to start.

      Are you connected with a caring other? Like a therapist, or counselor? Sometimes it helps to have help when you start digging. I can recommend it from personal experience!

      My best hopes are with you –

      Peter




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