I’ve realized that I am a horrible person and that my mind is filled with terrible things. I used to think I was a good person. The universe is trying to send me a strong message- I don’t know whether it would be best for me and the people in my life (the few remaining) to kill myself, try and fix things, or get on a lot of medication. I feel like I have to do something but I don’t know what. Part of me feels this is my punishment and there is little I can do, part of me feels that someone is pulling the strings and doesn’t want me to get better, and part of me feels that I deserve the worst. Part of me feels that everyone deserves a chance to change, although I did not extend that kindness to others and I know that is part of why I am experiencing this now. I am asking for help or guidance if it is out there. I am sorry.