• On: Your Respect and Desire…

    by  • November 28, 2016 • * Safe for Work *, To You • 4 Comments

    We’ve known each other long enough, if not well enough. Let’s just be honest with each other. I know you don’t respect me. At least not as a romantic suitor. To you I am weak and impulsive and immature and obsessive and overly-sensitive. You don’t respect me because you perceive me to be weaker than you in every meaningful way.
    Maybe you’re right. You’re pretty tough. At least you project a lot of toughness to the outside world. Maybe I don’t measure up. Well, I certainly don’t measure up to your standard of strength.

    To you, strength is dominance…physical and even more importantly emotional. I see things differently. Where you lash out at me to exhibit your strength, I take it, and endeavor to love you all the same. Where you antagonize me to piss me off or manipulate me to exhibit your control, I take it, and endeavor to be patient with you. You don’t think it requires strength to put up with your bullshit? Yes dear, a lot of the way you have treated me is bullshit. I never accepted it, I just loved you enough to let you have your way. To me, love is strength.

    But as I’ve gotten to know you better, I see now that’s never what you wanted. And I guess in a way, it makes sense. As attractive as you are, most guys probably did let you have your way. But no, you want to be conquered. That’s fine, Im not here to shape your desires or change you in any way. What I want you to know is that I do have the desire within me to conquer a woman, and that never became so clear as when I met you. I want to own you, and I know that’s the only way you’ll ever respect me. But I hope you can understand that I’ve never done this before. I’ve tried and I’ve never come close. Just because I want something doesn’t mean I know how to do it. Its somewhat counter to my nature, which is generally considerate and polite and passive. So please be patient with me, because while I have never asked you to change anything about yourself, I have tried and am trying to change everything about myself, because I know you will not have me any other way.

    Love,
    The guy still standing after all your attempts to knock me down

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    4 Responses to On: Your Respect and Desire…

    1. @author
      November 29, 2016 at 4:15 am

      I miss him. I don’t want the drama, even when my reactions created most of it. We complicated everything, I don’t want to overcomplicate it anymore. I just want to be loving.

      It’s over now. I can’t be the one to push to fix this. I’m here though, if he wants me I’m here. All he has to do is reach out.

      K




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    2. Heartshards
      November 29, 2016 at 10:01 am

      Never change for someone else. Only change for yourself. If she can’t see how wonderful you are, it will never work. Don’t become who she wants. Become who you want, and it will fall into place.




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    3. Author
      November 29, 2016 at 3:21 pm

      All I want for myself is to be the man she can love




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    4. :)
      December 2, 2016 at 7:27 pm

      She already does.




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