These last few weeks without you have been the most difficult struggle of my life; what a fool I was to have done the things I did. I betrayed your trust and endangered you. You of all people, the one person who kept me connected to this world and gave me purpose.
You always told me that you were in it to win it. When problems arose that made me think it was over between us you motivated me to keep our bond together. I kept at it, kindled by my love for you and putting aside the stress and anxiety that our relationship sometimes brought forward. I held on and supported you through your tough times, and you did the same for me. I forgave you for the things that you did, even though you gave yourself to somebody else those few times.
I made some bad decisions and hurt you. I told you that our marriage was over because I was afraid that you would never forgive me. I tried to talk to you but you never gave me a chance. After all of those times you hurt me and I forgave you. You pushed me out into the cold not caring that I didn’t have a place to stay. You will never understand how deeply that hurt me. You said that you would ruin my life; congratulations on a job well done.
My life has been miserable without you. I cry every morning when I wake up and every night before I go to bed. I can’t make it through a single day at work without having to run to the bathroom and shut myself in a stall and cry. There are so many things I want to share with you, but you won’t talk to me. You have decided that you want me out of your life completely, and that hurts more than anything I have ever experienced. Never in my life did I imagine I could feel so much pain.
It is well within your right not to want me anymore. I often did not give you the affection you deserve. I often held back my feelings and my thoughts because I was afraid and out of touch with my emotions. I never truly expressed how much I loved you and what you meant to me. You were my everything; now I am lost and slowly fading from this world.
I always believed that we were soul mates. What wonderful memories we have made together! This last decade I have spent with you has been the most amazing time of my life. I wouldn’t trade anything in the world for those experiences. Not being able to communicate with you and having our bond suddenly severed the way it was is causing me to fall apart inside. I don’t know how I’m going to carry on now.
I would sacrifice everything to have you back in my life. I have felt every possible human emotion in the last few days. I am sad to have lost you. I am angry that you kicked me out with no place to go. I am upset that you never gave me a chance to talk to you. I am regretful for not loving you the ways I should have, and for hurting you the way I did. I am resentful because you gave yourself to somebody else. I am deeply filled with sorrow knowing that my best friend is now out of my life completely. I am disappointed in myself for making bad decisions and not having the courage to talk about problems, and instead ignoring them.
I was afraid that I would never be able to make you completely happy. I now realize that happiness is not something that you find in another person, it must be discovered within. Nonetheless, I did everything I could to bring happiness in your life. I even sacrificed my own happiness at times. I think that maybe this is how one defines love.
Thank you so much for bringing your wonderful light into my life. I love you so much and I miss you incredibly. Please come back to me.