I love you. Well, I sort of love you. I mean, I’ll miss you. A lot. What will I miss exactly? Your green eyes, the way your hair falls over your face, the sound of your voice, your smile, your frown, your sense of humour. OK, not your sense of humour, which we both know is non-existent. You are the most beautiful woman I have spent time with. That is true. If I close my eyes I can imagine everything about the way you look. Everything. Well, except your feet. I have only a vague idea of what your feet look like, which is a bit weird considering how often I have seen them.
Today we talked about how it will soon be a year since we met. This was in the middle of what I can only describe as what might be the most miserable conversation in my life. We were both so tense and nervous. You blamed the coffee and a disagreement with a co-worker. I was jet-lagged and tired. But still. Really. Long awkward silences. Desperately searching for what to even say. Like we didn’t even know each other.
Well, actually there is a lot you don’t know about me. Like, I’m married. Who am I kidding, you’ve guessed that long ago. Like, my name isn’t George. Probably you know that also. The fact is, you revealed everything to me, fully trusted me with all the details of your life. And me – like a brick wall.
So, you owe me nothing. Less than nothing.
I know you love Andy. It’s a bit hard to take because he is so boring. But he is really good looking. And a lot closer to your age. And so sincere.
But we also both know that you are a liar. You say what people want to hear. What you think will make them feel good, even as you claim to value honesty above all else. Some of the things you said to Andy – I could barely keep from rolling my eyes. And he’s so nice. So worried about his ex-girlfriend. I could tell that rankled a bit.
But, I shouldn’t be so cynical. You’ve had a difficult time of it. More difficult than I will ever be able to understand. You deserve real love and someone who will be kind to you.
Although, you are something of a masochist. Sexually anyway. Will you miss that? Actually, if that is the best I have to offer, better to stick with Andy.
You know what. I’m going to try to repair my relationship with my wife. We used to love each other a lot. Maybe we can get back to that. I would like that. That is something worthwhile to work for. It’s on the other side of this pain I’m feeling about you. Who knows if I’ll get though that. Wish me luck.