• I wish I could say this…

    by  • November 23, 2016 • * Safe for Work *, Disappointment • 1 Comment

    There are times I wish I can type this and send it to him.
    Sometimes I feel , I should post this on a confession page but I don’t have the guts.
    I just don’t have it..
    I don’t want him to read this because it will shatter both the families .

    A little background about me:- I belong to the country of India where marriage is very important. If you are not married, your life is incomplete.
    I got married way back in 20** and then got separated from my then husband. I was 2* then. I filed for a divorce and got it finally in 20**. I thought I should start my second innings and made a profile in a matrimonial site. I met my husband in *** **** and in Oct 2015 we got married. He is right now in the US on an assignment and he is expecting me sometime next year.

    Below is a letter which I would want to send him when I reach US but I know I would never do…

    Dear *******************,
    I am right now in the US but don’t want you to see me.
    U remember the first day of the wedding you told you regret marrying me and that because you have left someone before, you can leave someone again..I just can’t forget these words….I never will..
    I can’t forget my first karva chauth..
    Nobody has ever hated me as much as you have…
    You seem to have problem with everything I do ..
    You have a problem with how I look .
    You have a problem with my weight.
    You have a problem with my skin colour , my hair , my package at office , my technology , the way I walk , the way I stand ,the place I belong to , the way I eat ,my nails , my fingers and the list goes on.
    You feel sad that I cant cook.
    You feel bad when I back answer you.
    You feel sad by my very existence
    I have tried my best to be the kind of wife you want.
    You told me not to call you and I am never going to do it.
    I just asked you to call me on my birthday and you felt I was demanding..
    I am never going to ask you to call me.
    I spoke about lack of communication between us .You said you had responsibilities of your family and gave me examples of wives of soldiers at border. I really wish my husband was at the border serving the nation.
    I really feel like going somewhere and never ever show my face to you. But I stop ..I stop because of your mother ,my mother ,my dad , your brother ,your sister and both the families…
    I have started to regret this marriage more than you regret it now..
    I have started hating you…I don’t want to grow old with you…
    When U left to the US , I literally prayed that you fall in love with someone and be happy ..I pray the same even today..I wish someday you tell me -Plz go out of my life and I will be happy to do it..

    Admin — This post might sound stupid or childish but I really want a place to vent out my feelings.

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    One Response to I wish I could say this…

    1. Anything but my real name
      November 26, 2016 at 5:30 am

      @ the author

      You’re a brave woman to be living in your situation, and I really hope something works out for you
      Hopefully your husband will decide that it must end.
      I really feel for you
      I’m lamenting the loss of somebody who blatantly doesn’t want me anymore, but your post is a stark reminder that things could be worse
      Wishing you peace and courage x x




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