• I’m Tired.

    by  • November 22, 2016 • * Safe for Work *, Heartbreak • 5 Comments

    I’m tired of waiting for you to come after me. I’m tired of forgiving when I shouldn’t. I’m tired of giving my everything to you and not getting that back. I can’t keep wondering how you feel. You say you’ll change, do better, whatever it takes to make us work. But as much as you say those things, as much as I want to believe you, I know you won’t change, you won’t do better, because you know I will always forgive you. You know I will still be there, always the hurt one. I’m tired of getting disappointed, not just by you but disappointed with myself.

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    5 Responses to I’m Tired.

    1. I know what you mean
      November 22, 2016 at 11:07 pm

      Never, ever count on anybody changing. Even if they say they are going to. Unless, he is actually doing therapy or something to cause that change, he is just saying meaningless words. You are wasting your life on him. And yeah, I’ve been in a similar situation and honestly, it’s taking me way longer to get over the fact that I ALLOWED some man to treat me that way whilst returning continuous forgiveness than it has getting over his actions. What the hell was I thinking? From now on – it’s first strike you’re out. None of this – let’s wait and see bullshit. I wasted 20 years and he took the best years from me. Years I could have been with somebody who treated me well. Don’t make the same mistake.




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    2. The truth in my promise
      November 24, 2016 at 9:54 pm

      I could picture myself being similar to the man you speak of. The last four years I’ve gone through more life changing events that would knock anyone off their feet for a six & out. Being my milestone year it hasn’t been what I dreamt it to be like. What a calamity to say the least. My fault too. I lost the woman I love through my own doing. She is more than amazing. She’s…thats a tale within itself. My third time lucky in love. Not so lucky am I? The way in which I acted is why I sought professional help. For never again did I want to be like that. Explosive reactive(with words only for I’ve never being physical im my life & never will be) when extremely hurt emotionally. To get me to that point could only be done by the One I love. No one else had/can ever get me to that highly emotional state I distespected her’s & my own boundaries by not standing up for myself more often as I dont like conflict. In short I walked on egg shells & in doing so when a big issue arose, resulting in a heated disagreement all the things that wasn’t addressed came flowing out all at once. We both did this to each other. We both hurt each other immensely. Yet ironically we both communicated well. By not wantung to hurt each other we didnt succeed there. I pravtically died the few times I lost my composure for who in their right mind would intentionally want to traumatise the love of their love life? For me words that sting my heart with surgical like precision said by a loved one hurt me more than any type of physical trauma for my trust in them is absolute. My trust in people has changed. So have I. It was now or never. A promise that I would now honour, upkeep & varry put on. A new beginning. For if I didn’t do this I’d repeat this priceless mistake (losing my other more than half;) again. Since January Ive attended a weekly appointment. Activities & hobbies Ive neglected to do became a reality. Coming face to face with Death himself in April was the tipping point for me on being the Man I now am. Thank you for allowing me to express myself on your post. Guess what?




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    3. @The Truth in my promise
      November 27, 2016 at 10:43 pm

      I wish there were his words, I love him, but he was so so mean, and then so was I. Really mean, both of us in the end. Ironically, I miss him so much. I know he is a beautiful man who either didn’t love me enough or just fucked up, like we both did towards the end of a ten year cycle that never really begun. 🙁




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    4. We do know each other in a sense
      December 4, 2016 at 12:30 pm

      Ironically the beautiful feelings that we both are sharing here means much to me as it does you. Ten year cycles you say….why do I think “Painted Hearts” right now? These are my worDs & I mean everyone of them.




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    5. @we do know each other in a sense
      December 6, 2016 at 8:18 pm

      10 year cycles, yes, it begins and then it bends and ends before we come back to the start, I figure it’s finally over now, but I miss him so much, I just want to hit the reset button and move forward now, but this time, I’m fairly certain he’s gone for good. And still, my love for him never ends. From a K




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