• I feel like I may never know

    by  • November 19, 2016 • * Safe for Work *, To You • 5 Comments

    Do you feel anything towards me? I have such a strong feeling that you do!
    But, I worry that you just move from one person to the next and enjoy messing people about maybe.
    I’m always wishing that maybe I mean even a tenth as much to you as what you do to me..
    I wish I had some proof that, that was true. The only thing I can go with is gut instinct and the basis on events occurred to date.
    I like being around you, being in your company so much. But do you? I don’t show it anymore, in fact I’m pretty sure, you probably think I hate you/despite you. I can’t help but scowl at you. I’ve missed you for such a long time and have felt so let down by you. I understand to an extent, but I just wish you could be honest with me because, I know that deep down you do care somewhat.

    5 Responses to I feel like I may never know

    1. Me
      November 19, 2016 at 1:02 pm

      My feelings are off the chart! I tried to setup a time a few weeks back so that I could tell you my feelings in person. You disappeared. Please un-disappear!

    2. Me again
      November 19, 2016 at 2:54 pm

      Keep in mind, my gut is all I have to go on as well. Spilling your guts to someone is super hard. Handing someone your heart and letting them decide to keep or discard it is even harder. My life’s complexities require me to go slow and be cautious. I would never think you would try and hurt me. But if I take a giant leap and it goes bad, it could be like a nuclear bomb going off in my life. All it could take is you being overwhelmed and going to talk to a friend about all of this, and the friend decides I am not in your best interest, or just maybe can keep their mouth shut and talks to people.I expect a nuclear blast at some point, but I can handle the blast if I know you are beside me.

      That is why I have to communicate my feelings in person, I will see your response to my mere presence. I can watch your face, eyes, and body language and know to keep moving forward with the conversation, or to stop and re-access. I had a million chances to communicate way back then when the risks were much lower but was too scared and messed up to actually do it. I no longer have those obstacles but there are new ones. I can handle the new ones, I just need to be cautious.

      Finally, you should know that I am not the type of person who messes with people. I mean sure, I have changed over time but the core of who I am is still what you remember. If you had told me back then, it would have been what I needed, and we would be together. I could not tell you back then because I did not think you were ready, maybe I was wrong, maybe you were ready. My gut told me you loved me, but my gut also kept telling me Red Alert Abort Mission. I think it was because you were not ready, and truthfully, I probably was not either and we would have ended in a disaster.

      You are asking yourself, is this really them?
      Keyword Hints:
      Geo Metro
      Neo Geo
      Fun Times 🙂

    3. Heartshards
      November 19, 2016 at 3:58 pm

      None of us my never know. It’s unfortunate, but I can deduce that he is worth admiring from afar. He is worth loving, without ever knowing. I just wish he knew how admired he is.

    4. TGirl
      November 20, 2016 at 2:11 pm

      Maybe he/she does feel something for you if you have such a strong instinct about it. Fish around for a hint, provide an opening or opportunity for the other person to tell you what they truly feel. Life is too short to play guessing games isn’t it…

    5. Heartshards
      November 21, 2016 at 10:55 am

      My feelings are still so mixed. Sometimes it feels better not to know. Sometimes it feels better to appreciate the beauty of love from afar. Sometimes I feel like I get on my persons nerves so badly that he can’t stand me. Other times I feel like he deserves to know. Others I want to get it off my chest for me and to clear the air.

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