Think I’m walking around living a happy life without you, I’m not. I have been crushed by you walking away from me. I have suffered as well. You took a part of me when you shut the door. I don’t feel complete and haven’t since you left. I fell full on in love with you. I gave you parts of me that weren’t physical that I have never given to anyone before. Parts of me I didn’t realize I had until I met you. I don’t know if the void, empty, life sucking spot that it now is will ever go away. I am human. I have feelings and they hurt as bad as yours. Yes I walk around like everything is ok. I have to. I have a child that depends on me. Don’t you think for one minute I wouldn’t love to be able to fall apart for a bit and I’m not talking just a Boohoo. Every time I reach out and get nothing in return those feelings intensify and stick around for awhile, but your worth it to me. From the looks of it I had better get use to this void. I don’t know which way your going with things.
I want you to know I love you with parts of me I don’t even understand. I wasn’t given time to figure it out. I hurt everyday your not in my life. We were in situations that made us have to hurt each other. It wasn’t intentional. Its something we both caused with our choices to be together at that time. I would give anything to feel this void full. Its your spot. My life isn’t the same after you. You are the first thought in the morning when I wake and you are the last one on my mind when my eyes close. Just because my eyes close and I’m asleep to the world doesn’t mean you don’t run through my mind for I dream of you quite often. My heart longs for you like I’ve never known it to long before. I don’t know what you want me to do or say. That’s the hard part. Wanting so bad to fix it and then getting shot down again. You weren’t the only one hurt. You are the one that shut the door. You had that right and I had no choice. It was so unexpected. I was already going through a life changing situation with my daughter. I found myself trying to support her and deal with my heart breaking at the same time. I’m not saying this to make you feel guilty. We Ade beyond all of that. I just want you to see me as human with feelings. I would love it if we could take things slow and work on repairing us. Its seems you’ve already made up your mind that we would never work. You again have that right and I have no choice. That seems to be the pattern with us. I don’t have a say so at all. I find myself bending to high hopes when they are given to me and then I pick up broken branches when hopes are taken. For someone who claims not to dance well may I say you are quite light on your feet. I can sit here and tell you what I feel for you is real. I can sit here and say I love you like I’ve never loved another, but you and I both know we are beyond words. Look at where words get us. We write more letters to each other than any two ever have. Even people in great relationships don’t write as much as we do and its gotten us stuck. Left in the same spot as a year ago. I don’t know your intentions. You have that right to not let me know and I have no choice in the matter, but I can tell you my intentions are good and not to hurt you. Then again those are only words. Words are only good when trust backs them up. You don’t trust me. You have that right and I have no choice. I don’t know where to go from here with us, but if this site is as far as you will have me then I am blessed to have it. Atleast I have you some. I would rather have just this site with you then none of you. I love you so much and if loving you leaves me with no choices in the matter then I pledge to love you forever this way. Then again those are only words backed up with no trust. If I could show you I most assuredly would. I want you to trust that last sentence if your deciding whether or not to trust any of it.