• Dated

    by  • November 15, 2016 • * Safe for Work *, Thoughts • 0 Comments

    I spent a few years with a guy who was closer to his guy friends than I was comfortable with. I mean like 5 nights a week they’re hanging out til 2 am for band practice or just being drunk and listening to music. Sometimes they’d fisticuffs, once there was a kiss, lots og ‘good game’ ass pats. That paired with sex maybe once a month really made me feel desperate. I’d drive him to and from work, wait for him outside bars for hours, and be slowly driven made by death metal while i was trying to sleep. Fuckin Macabre and the Vampire of Dusseldorf. It’d give me night terrors, but for some reason..I was so frustrated with mom and I didn’t want to be a burden at my friends place so I moved in with him. He had dishes months and months old in the sink and slept in a recliner which was his sole piece of furniture outside the tv. I thought maybe we could get stable together, and while we did forge some semblance of stability is was by no means healthy. Most of the time I felt like a nuisance or mooch.
    I remember when he punched the wall by my head as he was telling me about rape that happened to him by stepfather. He was crying, I cried. I had planned to break up with him that night… i felt guilty, and that’s how it always was, whenever I’d think I was ready to let him go, there’d be some big event where he’d lose his shit and tell me another traumatic story about his childhood. Silky me, I thought, maybe I’m getting closer to him, maybe we are bonding, maybe he’ll love me love back for this.

    Related Post

    Leave a Reply