• to the people who ask “why doesn’t she just leave”

    by  • November 14, 2016 • * Safe for Work *, Abuse • 1 Comment

    I’ll admit there was a time when I was the girl who heard of someone’s partner being not-so-nice and thought “why stay with him”… That was then…. The coin flipped and I’m now dangling dangerously close to the edge about to fall off the other side.

    I stayed. For a long time I STAYED… I was ‘that girl’, the one who put on a brave face, who laughed and joked and made out that everything was OK. No one would’ve guessed there was anything wrong. So why? Why did I stay?.. I STAYED for my marriage, I believe in the sanctity of marriage and I desperately wanted it to work… I STAYED for my kids, no one wants there children to be in a broken home, weekdays here, weekend somewhere else, no true home… I STAYED for my husband, yes my husband, who I loved truly and deeply (even though he wasn’t capable of loving me too)… I STAYED because I needed to, I didn’t have any means to support myself and start out new… I STAYED for me, cos I needed someone… But most of all I STAYED for the good times, all the happy times and memories we shared that I wanted so much to re live…

    And then one day I left. I LEFT because the bad times were now outweighing the good… I LEFT because my children was suffering from the hostile environment they were living in… I LEFT because my own mental health was suffering badly and he was the cause… I LEFT because he was getting worse… I LEFT because if I stayed I would’ve been leaving in a box….

    When you love someone wholeheartedly you can’t just switch it off… These men are people we love, our husbands, boyfriends, the father of our children… And the next time you hear about the girl down the street getting hit by her boyfriend, don’t ask “why doesn’t she just leave”. Ask instead WHY DOES HE DO THIS TO HER

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    One Response to to the people who ask “why doesn’t she just leave”

    1. Theres been
      November 15, 2016 at 7:56 am

      This long standing rumor in my family that one of my cousins who gave some months ago has been in an abusive relationship.

      She got pregnant early on in knowing him. ( like first year)

      Her mom and grandma, my mom too , talk frequently about what scum he is. Ive never met the guy, so I ask whats he done? I hear about cop appearances and cut fridge cords among other threats.
      So then I ask if this is true can they not go get her? They say she wont let them.
      My ma posts shit on fb that she hopes with subconciously inspire my cousin to be a stronger woman.
      I ponder if theres miscommunication there and maybe he’s not a terrible guy , and my cousin is bad at explaining situations. ( maybe not thoigh, my ma tells me her dogs once saved her from getting strangled by an ex)

      I contacted her a few months ago and sent her a box of baby clothes. We made vague plans to meet up, she lives over an hour ago.

      She talked about her daughter but avoided going too deep into home life.

      I wondered if I should ask more questions or be more assertive in trying to see if our family is just gossiping or if she is in trouble and needs help, but I kept it friendly and let her know if she ever needs anyone to talk to then I’m around.



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