Seven years and in a way longer even…
We have been *whatever* for seven years. Almost every day, in a way, truly every single day.
I had shared so much with you – highs, lows, desperation, happiness, longing, confusion, passion, my body, my soul, my hopes, my life, things I shared with nobody, my everything. I gave you my love and more, I gave you – me
You had shared so much with me too – highs, lows, desperation, happiness, longing, confusion, passion, your body, hopes, things you shared with nobody. You gave me love – yet carefully never yourself.
Regardless, we shared a bond unlike I ever thought possible.
Happy and fun times, utter ease of letting the world go just being you and I, there were so so many.
Through the pain we gave each other, through all the pain you voiced I had put you through, I don’t think you ever realized..
Back behinds my walls of self I had to come to doubting everything we ever had. Doubting you, doubting myself, doubting love, common sense, sanity – life, trust and what once I believed so firmly in.
Though my face shows strength, my lips a smile of cynical confidence, my public posture holds others save and I keep busy to forget. Not to forget you because that is quite impossible, no, to forget thinking further than I absolutely have to.
All of my life I have been running, been real good at it, too. Been real good at letting go and forgetting or at least shoving emotions into the depth of “never to be thought of again”.
Now I am facing a problem – I don’t know where to run to nor what I have been running for or from ..
It makes no sense at all that I love and miss you so, still.