• I cant find my way back to love

    by  • November 10, 2016 • * Safe for Work *, Heartbreak • 0 Comments

    He rejected me. He did not reciprocate my feelings, why because he doesn’t think of me that way. When I told him I loved him, he acted all weird and awkward. I had to change my statement and told him I love him as a friend because having told him hurt me a lot because it changed everything. Now cause I know the truth maybe I can move on but “No”. It’s been 18 months now since things went to hell and I still cant move on. I can remember most details about him, his soft hands, the scar on his chin, his dimples, his small eyes, the bags under his eyes which he sometimes has due to lack of sleep, his voice, his smile.I remember the time he called my work and pretended to be a client and I knew it was him because of his voice. How I missed hearing his voice. I couldn’t tell him that I knew it was him so I pretended not to know it was him. While my very being wanted to know why he was calling I couldn’t do anything about it. I think he called 3 times if I remember. I tried asking him out as a friend to talk about some things, to clear the air, but he seemed not interested. So I let it go. I have stopped all together contact with him because each time I do I always seem to get hurt by something he does. So I let go. The guys I meet only seem to frustrate me deeply because I want him. A chance at love with him would have been a welcome reprieve for my hollow soul. I feel no joy. Everything seems ruined for me. It hurts all the time. Why did I say anything in the first place? Stupid. They say time will tell but I don’t know.

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