• Suspended in Repulsion

    by  • November 8, 2016 • * Safe for Work *, To You • 0 Comments

    Say we’ll go there, someday, despite our twisted story. We’ll walk around in the rain, pretending to try to keep dry under an umbrella, we’ll see our city in the flesh.

    I’d have taken you. I’d have taken you to Montreal, to San Francisco, to Paris, to Seattle, to Sydney, all the way to Tokyo. All the places we always talked about. We had a lot in common, but more than anything else, we had twin cases of wanderlust, nostalgia for a place we’ve never been. Do you remember the car rides, that feel like so long ago? The ones where we’d talk about sex, politics, money, love, our goals. I’ll always look at our spots with a kind of bittersweet sadness, I can’t forget our nights and our dedication to rebelling.

    There’s a lot of history, between you and I. Months on and months off again, but we’ve never fully let go. Months have added up to years, and I’ve forgotten how we got started. I think we both knew we’d end up parting one day, it just didn’t feel like it ever come, not for real. Of course, we had our distractions, our whims and stints with domestication. I played around with him, then her, but not like I always have with you.

    A it, I’m your kryptonite, just as you are mine. You left her, came back to me, you two out of sync, no coordination, no energy. We’ve tried to be friends, but there’s simply too much chemistry and passion here. I lost my mind trying to fix something that was never whole to begin with. We can never be 360 degrees, never perfect. We’re more like a strange mix of cyanide and all the worlds precious shiny metals. Poisonous and deadly, but too tempting to ignore.

    Long gone are the days that I’d lean against you and spill my heart out. Secrets and passions and honesty flowed out freely, now it’s dammed and checked and never let out. I keep holding my breath, I don’t dare to breath, because if I do I might break something in our continuum, and then I’d lose you forever.

    I can’t see the writing on the wall, that you’re bad for me, all I see is the chance for good. But you and I are too alike, you see. Physically, two could never look so different. But you and I are fundamentally the same, two identical charges. We are suspended in repulsion, pulled close by desire but divided by nature.

    Something will always be here, I can feel it stored somewhere in my chest, if I see you, that secret ember buried in my chest will ignite. It’s up to the world to lead us apart. We’re fundamentally alike after all, when it comes down the worst of it, when we’re stripped bare, I choose me, and you choose you. I can’t let you go for anyone, I’ve tried far too many times. They were cheap substitutes for you, rebellion to make you want me more. It worked for a time after all, you always liked me better when I was unavailable. As in truth, I also prefer you. Same in nature, after all. We’ll leave one day, our paths will fork and lead us to dreams that won’t include each other, but until then, know that I’m done fighting what’s so clearly here.

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