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    by  • November 3, 2016 • * Safe for Work *, To You • 2 Comments

    About 2 months I get my dental work done. Its a 12 hour surgery. On the 21st I go do final paperwork. Im so excited.

    Its a shame you will be hoping I don’t wake up……

    Yet, I’m still in love with you. Wow. What a love story hu?

    Now that’s unconditional! 😉

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    2 Responses to in

    1. If
      November 10, 2016 at 2:13 pm

      I guess if somebody is hoping you die, you must have hurt them very badly. That kind of hatred only comes from being overwhelmingly in love with someone, caring about someone so much only to have them hurt you to the depths of the soul. I wish death on someone – I hope he dies. Not because I love him – but because I feel like he got away with being the worst arsehole on earth. I went to the police and they talked me out of pressing charges and now I can;t move on because I feel like I let him get away with beating me up when I want him to PAY. I was in love with him. I pulled my heart out of my chest and he held it in his hand and what he decided to do with my love and trust was to try and take my life from this earth and create orphans of my children. So yes, now my ‘undying’ love is hatred. For someone to hate you that much – you would have to show them sincere regret and also be doing something to be a better person for them to want to be with you again. Good luck with your teeth.


    2. @ if on
      November 10, 2016 at 7:12 pm

      I’m sure you don’t really want anyone to die. It sounds like he really hurt you badly. I know what that’s like. The person I fell in love with just cut contact with me out of the clear blue with no explanations. I don’t think they knew how I truly felt for them so I don’t expect they know how crushing it was on me. I have come to the conclusion that I was one of two things to them
      1: a simple curiosity of being with the same sex.
      2: I was a tool to get back at someone who had done them wrong and hurt them.

      Maybe I was both. Who knows.
      I don’t see any other reasons why a person would cut contact with someone unless they just felt they were done with them and didn’t know how to tell that person. I wish I would have been worth more to them. Its been one of the worst hurts I’ve ever had to deal with. It still hurts but I only blame myself not them. I knew she wasn’t available but I invaded that. She had made it clear from the beginning. I don’t blame her at all. I know she writes here. I’m sure I have annoyed her with responses to letters that weren’t for me. Im sure she wishes me out of her hair. I now realize she writes to another on this site. When I wrote this letter I was having one of those days. It was just a vent. She was on this site first. I had accedently stumbled on this site desperately needing a venting space. I should have listened to the first letter she replied to me with. She had told me to leave her alone. That was a yr ago. I now realize this site isn’t going to get me anywhere. Its a good place to vent thats all. I am excited about the teeth. I will have a movie star smile for the rest of my life 🙂 . now I start working on my self esteem that took a hit from the rejection from her. I haven’t given up on love. I know someone out there will accept the love I offer. I will always be here for her if she ever reached out. I love that woman unconditionally. She’s always welcome to open the door she shut. I just don’t know how to let her know that. She apparently changed her number or ignores my text. (Lol) probably the ladder one. I don’t know why I wrote that she hopes I don’t wake. She probably hasn’t given me a second thought after shutting the door. Did I hurt her? I’ve racked my brain thinking of things I could have done. Me moving back to a boyfriends house I was already seeing when her and I got together? I told her I was moving back and she seemed fine with it. We were talking up until a month after me moving. Was I not spending enough time with her? She knows I was having to take care of my daughter while her dad was dying. I’m sure she couldn’t have been upset about that. I don’t know exactly what I did to cause the door to be shut. She could’ve talked to me if something was bothering her, but I guess she found it best just to shut the door. I do hope she reaches out and wants to reconcile. I guess I just have to get use to the hoping feeling. I am now going to focus on getting myself better after the ego hit and I welcome new relationships if it happens. I can’t sit and hope forever without moving forward.

      Sorry for the rant I just did. Thanks for your best wishing me on my Hollywood smile. I hope you find the peace you seek with your situation. You deserve better than him anyway. A man that abuses a woman’s love just doesn’t deserve them.



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