I’m not sure I will send this..or why I’m writing in the first place. I probably shouldn’t. I probably shouldn’t have done a lot of things, but somehow bad decisions seem to come naturally.
Perhaps, I just need to get my feelings written down to finally let them go.
First of all, I’m sorry for any pain I may have caused you, if I ever did. I can’t tell at this point what was real and what I imagined or built up.
My heart still aches. Every. Single. Day.
I didn’t think it was possible to love someone like that, after such a short amount of time. I think I did tell you once that I’d never get over you.
Maybe, I just don’t know how to let go of people.
I did some snooping. The internet can be such a useful tool, you know.
I’m glad you’re happy. I know how much you wanted another baby.
It’s bittersweet. Tears. Lots of tears.
I’ve been trying to figure out the why’s of what happened.
Why couldn’t we have just never been friends in the first place?
Why am I still thinking about you after 2 years?
Why were you able to move on and I can’t?
Why am I being pathetic and bothering you now?
I guess because holding back tears all day and the lump in my throat has forced me to seek closure.
What does that even mean? Closure.
My friends tell me I need to pretend that you died. Or hate you.
I can’t. I try, but I can’t.
And of course I am content in my life. I have almost everything I’ve ever really wanted. Almost.
I still plan to write a book one day. About all of my experiences. Maybe, I’ll send you a copy.
Until then, Congratulations on life. I hope it’s everything you ever dreamed it could be.
In the words of Taylor Swift, Loving you was Red.