my friend had this board a couple years ago. it was kinda like a Ouija board, but without the ghosts. you asked it questions, and it replied yes, no, and had letters and whatnot. my friend used to use it to find stuff around her room and it actually worked. i don’t know if she was bullshitting me or if i even really believe in all that stuff, but one night we were messing around with it and for the fuck of it i decided to ask it what year you would die. it said 2017. i can’t help but feel that it was right.
it’s stupid, but i’ve been dwelling on that a lot. remember when we planned to kill ourselves at the same time, but ended up not going through with it? we were fucked up kids. i just can’t believe that we were so close at one point, close enough to literally plan to end our lives together, and you just cut me off so fast, after all this time. i guess i always felt somewhere deep in me that we were never the kind of friends that would last a long time, but i just kept pushing the thought out of my head. i’ve been thinking a lot about how you’re gonna do it. i mean, we both know you’re not gonna live a long life, and as much as i want you to i know that now there’s nothing i can do about that.
i hope your boyfriend is treating you well. i know how much he means to you and even though i hate him because he stole you from me, i just hope you’re happy with him. all i want is for you to be happy.
god, i never thought it’d come to this. i’ve been trying not to blame you, but i just can’t believe you cut me off that quick. you never indicated to me at all that you didn’t like me using drugs so much, we used to have fun with them all the time, i thought it was fine. how was i supposed to know it was upsetting you? did you really want to get rid of me that bad? it makes me wonder if you’d really been thinking about it for a while prior to this. i tried to hard to be good for you, i could’ve tried harder.
god, why didn’t you tell me?