• Lost In A Sea Of What If’s

    by  • October 26, 2016 • * Safe for Work *, Letting Go • 0 Comments

    I’m at a loss these days. I don’t know what to think anymore. We haven’t spoken in a while now, and I don’t expect that to change any time soon. We’ve gone our separate ways and I’m ok with that now. These last few weeks I can swear I have seen you several places. On my way to work. On my way home. I can hear your voice. I’m seeing things in my own home. I know its not sleep deprivation because I’m actually getting sleep these days. I’m starting to think I’m going crazy. Shadows dance along the walls and I start dreaming of you. Of us. What if things would have worked out? Would we still be together now? What if we were still talking? What if we managed to be friends after all that we have been through? Could it work? Its all what ifs. I cant live in a world of what ifs. I’m getting to old for that. This isn’t high school. This is the real world. Some days it feels like I’ve gone the entire day in a dream. I’m trying to meet new people, I really am. Somehow I cant manage to talk to them though. I feel to broken inside. That they will never accept me. I feel I am broken beyond repair. I don’t blame you though. Its nobody’s fault really. Our paths were meant to cross, but never combine. Over the years I have come to terms with that. It was the hardest thing I have ever done, letting you go. I fought though. I fought with everything I had and then some. You never fought back. You left every time things got to close. You ran. You kept running, and I finally stopped. I still wonder, What if I missed someone important because I was waiting for you to stop running? Its ok now. Everything happens for a reason and I am finally ok with that. After all this time. I cant say I am happy living my life without you in it yet, but I am close. So close I can see the day. I really hope you don’t chose that day to come back again because I fear I would shatter into a million pieces and this time, they wouldn’t be able to get put back together. A part of me will always love you. I know that. You can love many times in your life, but you will only find the kind of love that ignites a fire in your soul once. I hope you find that kind of love on day. I wish I could wipe you from my memory though. I wish I could stop seeing you wherever I go. Stop hearing your voice calling my name. Stop seeing you in my dreams. I know it wont happen though. I will always remember you. Ill always remember the times we shared. I truly hope you find happiness in your life Casey. Goodbye.

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