I don’t know why I thought he loved me. I don’t know why I thought that some of his actions meant he liked me but was just to shy to tell me. But as I sit alone thinking things through now I know that it was me who wanted him to love me. He never loved me at all. My mind was playing tricks on me because I loved him so much that I wanted him to love me too. But now I know. I have been clinging on for so long to a mirage that I ended up destroying myself in the process. Never having the chance to live that love. So many wasted years loving someone who never loved me. So many wasted years because of a stubborn heart clinging to a dream. The hurt of it all. The pain and sorrow that I am going through at this point in my life can never be compared. I have been hurt before in a different manner one that destroyed and corrupted my body and soul. Now I am going through the same thing and this time its all been by my own hand. If someone doesn’t love you, they don’t. I was never in his spectrum of thought. Not even a slight thought would pass of me in his mind because he did not love me and doesn’t even now. I don’t know in what ultimate universe I have been living. Clearly it’s been one of delusions. I hurt because of me. I hurt because of my carelessness with my heart and soul. Its my fault. But it does not take from the fact that I hurt. I’ve hurt myself and him. There is no excuse for that. I cant take that back. But I do wish at a chance to make it right. I don’t know how. But we live on earth where sometimes things don’t work out as we want them to just because we wish them to. Now I live with the consequences of my sins.