For one full day I believed I was about to make something of my passions, a job I carved out for myself. Made a website, ordered business cards, just completed a project. I was smiling again, it felt amazing. I was so happy.
I couldn’t wait to share my news with my family.
Then I thought of you, decided I wouldn’t tell you and that I didn’t want to.
It was my triumph, my initiative, my efforts, my life. I remembered you weren’t a part of my life anymore, than the fact that you hadn’t really been a part of my life even when you were coming around crept in, painful truths. You’d held me down so long it crushed my spirit. Feeling as if all my dreams for myself and my life might actually be possible, just for that day. realizing you were only ever there with me to release your lust onto, you are disgusting. I actually believed for one day that I was going to start living this totally amazing life and I let god know if the rest of my days were spent feeling that good it still wouldn’t be enough to erase the suffering you caused. All I want is to forget I ever met you, that such filth exists in this world. Knowing it is real, that I encountered it, is enough to cast a cloud over any success I may ever have. well played, asshole, well played