• I never

    by  • October 24, 2016 • * Safe for Work *, To You • 1 Comment

    Experienced anything as severe as ian or monica, but then again they give it a different diagnosis than what I suspect affected me in early childhood through as recently as a few years ago.

    Looking at the sum of my parts, I would almost consider it to be a learning disadvantage. Or maybe that’s how I want to see it. I want to believe that now I’ve worked to improve my inner dialogue… the truly negative voices I picture about how the world sees me may not have diminished but have plateaued out so that can better map out appropriate decisions for particular stimuli. I listened to The Four Agreements audiobook, and a lot of TED, If I encountered someone in my environment participating in something I found could be tasty or expose me to new and enjoyable things then I’d do it too. That was my treasure hunt, and it was important too.
    I’m always error correcting.
    Trying to learn from the environment I see around me and the people who occupy it. It’s important to note and learn from successful working actions and outcomes as you experience yourself and others.

    A social network that has positive influence and affect are also key components of creating an upward trajectory of emotional well being and stability.

    I’ve found this to lead towards more clear and concise decisions on my part in what I want to be to everything that I affect in my own environment. I’m not perfect by any means, but utilizing these methods has provided me with the tools to know right from wrong and modify my reactions as I see fit.

    As for the music and bits I share on here sometimes it’s just because I enjoy it and want you to as well and sometimes because it has a message or feeling I wish to convey or am experiencing. This is a space that I can share and if you decide to follow my trail I can leave you with something that hits the mark for you, or that you can find some meaning or enjoyment in.
    I understand this leaves a lot of room for interpretation on your end but I’m learning to better use my voice.

    Maybe that’s not a sickness or deficiency on my end at all but just how we as a species work.

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    One Response to I never

    1. Missing my friend...
      October 24, 2016 at 6:06 pm

      It sure does leave much to this mans interuptation.

      For me. I’ve felt the majority of your postings one of a mindset that is positive & simultaneously uplifting in nature(yours). I wonder how many have said to you, how “inspirational” you are to them? The word “itself” said many times to her, you now doubt the sincerity behind the word when said? Well, there’s a reason why they believe it for its the truth. Are you that compassionate person I feel to be in reality. Does this sound like you at all? You don’t have to believe a single word I say or answer this or any questions I’ve asked..? Why do I sense that for some reason deep down you don’t believe in your authentic self. I’m sorry if I’m way out of line & mid projecting here. Its your last sentence to my train of thoughts?

      I knew a woman who was one of those rare people we meet in life who will never be forgotten. Keeping my feelings for her aside, she is truly remarkable for her, herself exactly the way she was/is the day I met her. The confidence that radiated from within her was one I have recognised in people who have experienced life on a level that many would crumble. People who leave an everlasting mark on society. A heroine of sorts? She’s a fighter & a lover of love. The love she bestowes upon you if you met her is undeniable. How can I say this…She lights the faces of those around her. Strangers included. A kind simple gesture or sentence making that person smile. Feeling happy. I don’t know if she realised this about her.

      This is funny now I think about it. She reminds me of the pope blessing those he meets. Just a female version. Is she an Angel?

      I miss the TED talks she once shared by sending the links to me in our good morning texts. Quite often, by pure coincidence too, I was/had looked at the link that morning or night before. My question? How do I explain & prove scientifically(if possible) that to others what we had between us? One of many synchronized thoughts & feelings no matter the distance. I don’t speak of this out loud to others.




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