For the first time in many years I actually celebrated with dear, close friends.
I enjoyed every moment
We laughed, shared stories, laughed some more, and some more and ate and drank to much
Even Boots came out and played Clown
I thought of you
I thought of you before, during and here now after
I can’t help but wonder..
did you even think of me, did you think of me at all?
Do you ever?
How, I wish I knew how it is possible to just erase so many years the way you seem to have done.
I am angry at my heart for loving you still!
I am angry at myself because I want to be like those people who see
love as a choice, as something to decide on and be able to rationalize into any situation life throws at us, to compartmentalize it away.
I am so tired of this war between my head and the hole where my heart used to be.