I have managed to discipline my emotions to crying breakdowns, once a night. It happens usually between midnight and 6 AM. I cry…sometimes on my knees, sometimes on my face-just like the time I found out you’d been arrested, while trying to fall asleep (futility)
There’s nothing I can do about this. There are many things I wish you had told me. Like “obedience” to Christ was only to be observed in MY company. Yes, I was very disappointed and initially disgusted with the perceived deception. But as always, I’ve forgiven you. I wish you would just reach out to me.
Are you content? Good for you. Do you need for me to throw you a rope and pull you out of hole you’ve gotten yourself into? I’m just about there, my darling….financially.
I have one regret that haunts me—I should have given you what you needed, before I left you (not knowing that it would be the last time I would see you). We were kissing so tenderly, the intensity was building, and making love to you, would have been so easy. But I stopped, because you’d asked me, so many times before, to stop our intimacies….because you didn’t trust your own self-discipline.
If I had it to do over…
With me or without me, my love for you is eternal.
I love you.
in my dreams, Mrs. AJJ