• In My Bag

    by  • October 23, 2016 • * Safe for Work *, To You • 0 Comments

    What’s happening

    Unfamiliar space

    Supposed to be home

    Home lost

    Unfamiliar space to be called home

    Can’t be comfortable

    Can’t relax

    Everything hurts

    It’s like a concealed cancer, one I’ve been diagnosed with but can’t tell anyone about because it would break them too much

    I hide my pain so deep that when I feel the tears stinging in my eyes I remind myself how selfish I am to show my pain in this, I have to stay strong for them

    I’m so convinced no one cares anymore anyway

    Not in a sad depressed way

    Just facts

    There’s so much in the bigger picture

    Everyone forgets my abuse

    My traumas

    My disorders

    I show a small amount of emotion and the only question that is asked is what is my problem? Why am I upset? Why am I sad?

    I’m free now but it’s still a prison

    If I’m not happy I’m hurting everyone else

    I need space, time away

    My dads finally happy

    He’s back with the woman he’s loved since he was 14

    And now, I’m in love with her daughter

    I’m paralleling him

    And this can’t happen

    It can’t

    Why is this happening

    And there is nothing I can do to stop it

    As always

    Things don’t work that way

    I promise I will give this my all, but one way or another, I will be the one to tear this whole new foundation down

    And I will go down with it

    Once and for all

    There’s no space amongst the clouds now

    No salvation

    I’m being pulled by invisible forces and I am so incredibly sorry, but it’s not enough

    I am a caged lion and someone is unlocking the door

    I am holding back, I will not ruin this, hear my sinners prayer

    But it’s already falling through between my finger tips

    This angel is down and out

    I confess

    You see it, the way I look down with pained eyes

    The realizations hitting me

    You say

    You’re in that bag of yours again, aren’t you?

    And I reply, I live there

    You say I seem to be hiding something

    It’s in that bag

    My feelings that are growing to big to fit in that concealed bag

    And I am so sorry

    I confess

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