It’s been a rough two nights working in the Neuro ICU. The first night- a self-inflicted gunshot came into the hospital. Of course, we were called to take the patient because it was just a head trauma.
The story was sad and I don’t know why- it made me think of you. She is 26 and has two daughters, one that is 6 and the other is 8. She and her husband are going through a divorce/ separation, but he has not left her side at all.
You’re 30 with two small girls yourself. He didn’t love you and that’s why you’re separated from him, but I wonder if he would be by your side if something terrible would happen. I go into her room and I see pictures of her and her kids on the wall. Why would someone ever fall into such a depression that they would leave two beautiful kids like that.
She will live though. We’re working hard to make sure that she will have some type of recovery. However, I go into the room and see her eyes swollen- eye blown up and the wound in her head- and I just wonder what she may think about if she saw all of this. Would she regret it? Would she be upset that she didn’t die?
I know that you were in a bad place for a long time, and I know that what went down with us was painful especially since I was the one that was supposed to rescue you. It hurt last week when you told me that you wished you had never talked to me. I know you’re better off without me. I know that you’re living your life and I hope you find happiness with someone that can really appreciate you for everything that you are. I hope and pray that your kids do well in life.
Most of all- I hope you find love. Real and total and absolute love. I wish I could have been the one that showed you that, but I’m not. I made a commitment and I’m bound to that. However, I still think about you. I think about what could have been and I smile. I look up at the stars and I wonder if you’re looking at them too.
I’m never going to know you now, but I’m going to love you anyhow…