• Regrets and Mistakes

    by  • October 21, 2016 • * Safe for Work *, Breaking Up • 8 Comments

    Sometimes I wonder if you think about me and then I usually hope you don’t. I know how stupid and naive I was. There are no excuses for my actions. I can’t help but hurt because I know that I hurt you for no reason other than my own selfish desires. I think about how events happened and the choices I made. And I know there can never be any place of acceptance in your heart, only bitter regret. I regret you. I regret how I treated you. I regret being afraid and being lead astray. Believe me, I acted on my own free will but the advice I received helped me to sway. I know we didn’t love each other, and I am older and love more fully another, more than we ever would have. But I am sorry for what I did. I am sorry for how it happened. I am sorry you were hurt and that my name will always be a bad memory. I’ve thought about reaching out to you. But I fear that nothing would be accomplished. I think perhaps the best thing to do is to acknowledge what happened, to ask for forgiveness, and then to finally move on. I think I can finally do that. There are so many things you will never know and never understand about what I did, and that’s okay. All I want you to know is that I’m sorry you were hurt by my wandering soul. I hope one day you will be able t find consolation that the pain you felt happened. It was real. And that even if it seemed pointless, it’s helped you to become better. The foolishness of youth perhaps is the only thing that can help us learn and to bring us all together. That is the only hope. I hope you can find yourself there. I think I finally am and this is my final farewell. I can finally forgive myself. I hope you do to.

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    8 Responses to Regrets and Mistakes

    1. To my princess, if that is you...
      October 22, 2016 at 12:01 am

      Ahh, I wish it was you who wrote that,
      atleast it would be some communication.
      I love you and I miss you and I forgive you,
      my arms still wide open,
      my heart aches for you ….

      We hurt each other and yes I deeply hurt over the past with you,
      find myself dying inside , like there is an ember of hope,
      not yet dead, I feel as strong if not stronger for you as I have always felt,
      …some days I do just feel dead inside though.

      Got myself a new job… Wish I could see you,
      reconcile and rebuild the broken mess,
      form a strong foundation,
      help turn this ember into a roaring fire,
      precious lioness, my princess,
      I miss you so much, I need your embrace,
      I hope you can forgive me too for how I have been.

      Please don’t fade away,
      text me on me new number….
      Let’s catch up for a coffee,
      hang at the beach or something,
      on a weekend… Fuck I dream of you all the time.
      Tearing up as I write this, broken mess.

      Then I’ll pull myself together,
      the vicious cycle of this website,
      after all this it probably is not you, ….

      if it is….. – please don’t fade away,
      break down my walls of fear and self-pity,
      I feel so trapped in a purgatory that I can’t escape.

      Love,
      your fallen prince

      x




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    2. littlejohn
      October 22, 2016 at 12:20 am

      “I think I finally am and this is my final farewell”……..SHOULD have read “I think I finally am so this is my final farewell”

      Til the famous final scene you remain the narcissist. It is, still, all, about you, anonymous one.




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    3. Scott
      October 24, 2016 at 10:56 am

      Is there anyway this is you Allison? I very much doubt it, but on the slight chance (1 in 10K?), it’s worth a chance to reconnect (email me?). I do hurt terribly, but it is not your fault, or anything I blame you for … I actually blame myself, and hate myself for the hurt I caused you. I regret hurting you, and I regret loosing an honest, good friend. I regret loosing the deepest love I’ve ever felt too, but I don’t regret experiencing it with you … you are amazing, and I hope you can forgive me all the hurt … I wish you all the best, and I will always hope, for the rest of my life, for you to somehow be a part of my life again. I miss you.




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    4. Grow a set
      October 25, 2016 at 1:26 pm

      Can’t anyone else see she still lies. By blaming who she cheated with is deflecting her guilt. To soften the blow. Wake up
      Take responsibility for you chose to be premiscus. “By leading yourself astray”. That alone reveals how sorry she isnt. It was a conscious choice that was a decision made by you alone. Fears have nothing to do with this. Its a lack of integrity. I would have believed the apology was genuine if not for that lie.




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    5. Dream
      October 26, 2016 at 7:53 am

      I don’t know how long it has been since you hurt the one you’re writing to, but if they are still on your mind, they will be there until you reach out and make amends. Don’t allow fear to keep you from making a mistake. Most likely, they have moved on and are living their own life, maybe even loving someone else. But they may also be holding onto bitterness and making amends will only set you both free to fully move on. Trust me, I’ve been there. Four years went by since I separated from someone I hurt, and when I got up the nerve to make things right, it was so freeing. I still think about that person, and I always will. I will always care about that person because I gave them a piece of myself nobody else has. There’s a reason that person is still on your mind, love.




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    6. A
      October 28, 2016 at 1:00 am

      If only he were to say this. It would be closure to know it wasn’t all in my head. Regardless, I forgive him. What would be the point to hold onto hostile feelings for someone I loved so much.




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    7. @dream
      October 28, 2016 at 3:26 am

      *




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    8. My reality
      October 29, 2016 at 8:05 pm

      Thats where your wrong. We are taught to be honest. To speak the truth. Not to sugar coat our feelings. So because I spoke in a fashion that is my feelings, in response here it means I’m now hostile? I’m not. Because who wouldn’t be upset if this happened to them? I can’t imagine anyone would in that situation? I didn’t take this letter personally BTW. I saw the author justifying why she did what morally we know is wrong. There’s no excuse. If your going to do that break up with the person who’s heart your about to destroy. My words are nothing in comparision to whst the writer wrote. Take about actions. Ive realused mine have always been in sync. If you can give it, you can take it. Not one withiut the other. This year Ive learnt so much. The hard way. I won’t walk on eggshells again. Self resect is paramount. I still believe in the woman I love. Yes I miss her. Yes I want to reconcile. Yes I know I’m dreaming. Yes I more than fucked up. Yes I could say much. No I wasn’t the one who gave up & let our fears take hold. Yes I’m proud of how far I’ve come. Otherwise I’d repeat the same mistakes. Why I have this sense of hope. I can’t explain it without boring you further. Though she writes here, her heart doesn’t beat to mine snymore. Thats ok. I want her to be happy. My only ask is to stop being cryptic. Then the confusion will dissapate. Like my many figments of my imagination. Wishing you simply the best




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