• Believe it or not..

    by  • October 21, 2016 • * Safe for Work *, To You • 0 Comments

    Believe it or not..
    I don’t hate or despise you, I’m not really avoiding you.
    The truth is, honestly, I’m really anxious and scared.
    I’ve had a bit of a nightmare and know there’s more to life & need to stop being vein, but this thing that’s happened has made me completely loose my confidence. If I didn’t have to, I honestly would not leave the house or see anyone for a year until I looked better. But even if I could do that, I know that I would be so miserable! I mean I’m miserable as it is. And I don’t why, but it worries me probably even more so now, what you must think of me.
    How you must perceive me.
    I feel like I’ve nearly lost myself. I just don’t look like me anymore. I’m so tempted to get some sort of extension just to help fill in the obvious gaps that are missing :/
    Even when up, it’s noticeable…
    I hate fretting like this, it’s driving me crazy. I currently struggle each day and now can’t even look in the mirror. When everyday should be enjoyed, I almost feel a sense of relief when it’s the evening because, no-one is going to suddenly come round or leave. It’s dark, so no-one is intently staring at me, everyone is relaxed and I know it’s not that long before I can go to bed and hide away for the next 9 or so hours.

    I don’t want to go on like this. It’s been a challenge, but I haven’t fully cried for like 2 days now which is quite an improvement on last week.
    The only good thing about any of this, is I feel like now I possibly have more empathy and more receptivity for other people. I feel like I did before, but I now feel even more so.

    Just got to think, it will only get better in a couple of months and not worse :/ 🙂

    I hope you see this because I desperately need you to know that I’m not deliberately avoiding you and have nothing against you. :'( 🙁 :]

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