It’s real, isn’t it? You just fell out of love with me, like that? I know its real because I left and you never looked back, you never once reached out? I spent more than 5 years with you and just like that, you didn’t love me anymore? No, your love dissipated before that. I know, deep down I know. Why wasn’t I good enough? Why is it I am still in this much pain? Why can I not just rid myself of your memory? I fear sleeping because only then are you back in my life. I am petrified. Will this loss ever dissolve? I miss you so much. I have never looked you up or called. I miss you so much. It feels like yesterday we were together, it still shocks me I have gone this long without you. I admitted that I would take you back. I know what that makes me look like, but I would. I am so in love with you. It just is not right, it just is not fair. I sound like a child, but I am nearly 30. I cry when I see couples and children and I know that future is gone. I have begged for your return and I beg for my feelings to leave. I cannot date again, I cannot let anyone in again. I just want peace. Please oh please grant me peace. Grant me just a little relief from his memory because I know he will never return. You were my best friend, you were my lover. I only and still only have eyes for you. You were granted your freedom of me, now please grant me my freedom. How can I free myself? How can I find my way out of this loss and into the light? Alec please come home, please find yourself back to me? I didn’t do anything wrong? This punishment the I endure should end. I miss you terribly and I love your terribly and DEEP DOWN I KNOW YOU ARE GONE FOREVER.You never looked back and you told me you didn’t love me anymore. I wish I had never found a home in you.