Exist to me. I think the world of you. Believe it or not everything I’ve seen about you makes you more intriguing. You have a loving side you protect with a cage. The cage walls are fear, morbidities, sarcasm, sadsness, self afflictions and believe it or not lots of passion. I have been so blessed to have been loved by a person who doesn’t give love away freely. I can honestly say that everything I’ve learned about you makes me love you all the more.
I worry about you only because I know how hard headed you are. I would never want to change a thing about you. Everything I listed above is a part of you that comes together to make your genuine self. My list is just a partial list. I’m sure I’ve only scratched the surface. I am in love with the essance of the whole you. Yes I think your physically sexy and gorgeous, even if your a bit on the skinny side and hair a bit different. You are still as gorgeous as ever. Im not just talking about the physical part of you though. I love the inner you that I have learned so far these last few years. You say you feel that people don’t think you exist. There is a good explanation for that.
When people, so be it family,friends,co workers ect, turn their back on you. Its more likely it wasn’t what you had done, rather it is who you are. See you are a strong personality. Its easier for people to make blame on your doings for why they had to distance themselves from you, rather than say ” its your strong personality they can’t handle and don’t know how to accept it”.
Your personality is so strong you have trouble accepting it and loving yourself.
Life is hard. Life can and will bring you down. I have been there. You have to reach deep into yourself to get the tools to handle life. You have probably never had to do that before (only assumption). Now that life has you pinned, you are seeing parts of yourself you are having trouble with. Its normal. Its a good sign. Now your in a dessert. Know here to go. No directional signs. To a person who has always had traffic signs, it is overwhelming. You have to reach deeper. You have to reach that part of you that wants to hit the city and its signs again.
Self mutilation isn’t the answer although in a dessert full of nothing but sand it is at least something. You have a clean slate right now. Your life has taken you off of paths that weren’t good for you in the long run. You take one step at a time when crossing the dessert that’s left you tired and burned, conserving energy by taking deep breaths, eating well, getting good sleep ( when your anxiety allows it). Depression is a true illness and only the strong people get put through it. Some let it get the best of them and they don’t make it. Some people do eventually reach deeper than they ever had to before and finally get to the city with signs. I don’t know you well enough to say your going to hit the city or if its just gonna get the best of you. You probably don’t know either because somewhere your still digging deep or you wouldn’t be here still. I would like to think your the digger who reaches the city. I do believe in you and who you are. You have my promise, what ever path you walk, I am here for you (always). I love you so much and I would love to see you reach the city. I will never leave you even if you keep me as a silent partner. I understand that sometimes going through things is easier without others trying to help figure it 0ut. If you ever need me just know I am here. So to my girl who’s on her journey. I’m rooting for you hoping you reach the city lines. We are put through the dessert so we can help others when they walk it.
Love you always,