You never gave me the option to choose you. I don’t feel guilty for the choices I made. The only regret I have is that you and I both neglected to open up to each other about what our possibilities were. Yes I would have loved to see what we had. I would have loved to have the option to ask you to be with me, but for all I knew you have a great marriage with him. Some problems y’all had, but every marriage does. You never led me to believe you had any plans to leave him. I wouldn’t expect you too. I wouldn’t have asked you to do that. That would have been a decision you had to make on your own. You say I broke your heart? Was it because I moved in with him? My life was turning upside down. My babies dad was dyeing. I had to make a decision and quickly. Him and I have boundaries. Its not the same with him after falling in love with you. We are more like roommates. I don’t plan on marrying him. I can’t with these feelings I have for you. It wouldn’t be fair to him. When we had made a promise of friends forever I didn’t know it was conditional. If I would have known moving in with him would have made you cut contact I would have moved to my mothers till I figured things out. If you would have been honest about what you expected from me, then I would have made choices to suit our situation. I had accepted you living with yours, why couldn’t you back me 100%? When things calmed down you and I could have talked openly about things. Instead you just cut contact with me. Why was I only worth throwing away? Why was it so easy for you to leave me? You were worth open communication and worth me backing you 100%. You still are. I love you soooo much and I guess what hurts is it seems to have been one sided. I guess you also feel that I should have this broken heart. That somehow I deserve it. Well I don’t wish that on you at all. You were taken already. I was confused, scared,having to be strong for my child while my heart broke over you. I was in love with you and still am, very much so. I would love it if you opened the door for me. Even if you just want to be friends. Texting friends to start if you would like. That would at least be open and clearer communication. If that is you talking about ending your life because of this situation. I wouldn’t blame myself for that. I had made the choices I made with the communication I had. I would be absolutely tore up about it if you did fallow through. Your sister, brother, mother, and the rest of your family shouldn’t have to go through that. Its not the answer. I wouldn’t want my sister,brother or mother to have to live through that. I wouldmt want my baby sister and brother to think when life gets tough that ending life was the way out. Its something they would never heal from, nor would I. Nothing I can do if you decide to do it. I can offer to help you through life. It would be an honour to take our life journey with each other by our sides. I wouldn’t push for more than friends. Unless we figure that we wanted to take things further. We would be on no hurry.
We have a long life to enjoy one another. This is my last plea letter. I would love it if you wanted me in your life. We could start off with just texting and take it from there. If you don’t want me to be a part of your life then I guess I will just have to really accept it and move forward. I would have no choice. This site isn’t clear communication. I know I’m worth clear communication. We see where unclear communication got our relationship thus far. I love you more than you realize. My number is the same and I have no blocks on it. Trust me I’ve made sure of it. You did shut the door. You have to be the one that opens it. I have tried but ally attempts failed.