• still coming to terms that I’m an awful person

    by  • October 12, 2016 • * Safe for Work *, Confession • 6 Comments

    I’ve cheated on people I care about. I’ve stolen before. I’ve manipulated things to my advantage. I’ve manipulated people to my advantage. I lie, a lot. I’m selfish on an above average scale. I have torn people apart with a smattering of words designed to make them feel like shit. I tell everyone that I love myself when I have never hated myself more. I can’t take what I dish out. I’m probably a curse to my friends and family.
    But I try. I try to look at people and remember that they are human, that I too, am human. That I’m not better than anyone else. I try to tell my loved ones more that I love them. I try to forgive them for things they have wronged me for, because I’m certain that I have wronged them too. I feel like I’ve failed so far, but I guess this is not the end of the story.

    Related Post

    6 Responses to still coming to terms that I’m an awful person

    1. Peter C
      October 14, 2016 at 4:53 pm

      You certainly have a long list of things you do to drive people away. Things to make sure no one ends up caring about you for very long. My guess is that you certainly do these things, you are probably reporting this accurately. The important thing is to figure out what this gets you. Like, “if I behave like a terrible person, I won’t ever have to lose someone who really knows me and cares about me.”

      So if that’s true, you are not failing, you are achieving what your subconscious wants to do, namely keep you safe. The thing to figure out is – is this also what I myself want? Is the outcome worth the price I am paying?

      all best,
      Peter




      0



      0
    2. Peter C
      October 19, 2016 at 8:09 am

      You certainly have a long list of things you do to drive people away. Things to make sure no one ends up caring about you for very long. My guess is that you certainly do these things, you are probably reporting this accurately. The important thing is to figure out what this gets you. Like, “if I behave like a terrible person, I won’t ever have to lose someone who really knows me and cares about me.”

      So if that’s true, you are not failing, you are achieving what your subconscious wants to do, namely keep you safe. The thing to figure out is – is this also what I myself want? Is the outcome worth the price I am paying?

      all best,
      Peter




      0



      0
    3. The good in you
      October 19, 2016 at 1:11 pm

      I’ve seen it. Felt it. Read about it(I’m not sure that’s good or bad:) Your NOT a failure! You never were or are. I felt so loved by such a remarkable woman. Like you feel, she felt like a failure. No one would know she had thoughts like that. She isn’t. You aren’t. I never had heard anyone say that before. I hugged her & made a promise I broke. Truth. I failed her. For one, she forever changed my life for the better! That’s saying somethimg! As funny as it sounds, how did I fall in love with her? I hope one day she reads this. She’s simply the definition of true love. I’m not sugar coating this. Please remember that we all fuck up in life. We all have flaws. Rise above. Believe in you. I need to remember that lol. One of my closest friends. A female too, taught me to live how we all should live. Living righteously. I am. You can too. Your choice.

      P.s. I’m not religious either BTW.




      0



      0
    4. L
      October 20, 2016 at 2:39 pm

      The first step is being aware. Now use your awareness to become someone you’re proud of. It’s hard, but never doubt yourself.




      0



      0
    5. Yep,
      October 29, 2016 at 9:18 pm

      some people are bad. At least you know what you are and now have a choice whether to continue inflicting yourself on others or not. Verbally abusive people stink. It’s true they are never really loved. They are feared, tolerated and ‘liked’ for some of their ‘good’ points but they are never fully loved for who they are. How can they be when they inflict pain on people with little thought to how it affect them? Most awful people never apologise either. It took me a long time to realise some people just are better to stay away from. There is no hidden depths, no tortured soul -they are just bad people and despite them seeming to be kind and generous at times – those times never last before they revert to being abusive.




      0



      0
    6. I'm sorry for the hurt you feel
      November 2, 2016 at 9:08 am

      Listen to your words. Attacking anyone who remotely sounds like the person who hurt you. Don’t kid yourself that you more than likely hurt them as well. Its unusual both aren’t. Have you ever considered that it could’ve been you who’s abusive? The expletive description’s given by you only reinforce’s this.




      0



      0

    Leave a Reply