• You broke me

    by  • October 9, 2016 • * Safe for Work *, Closure • 0 Comments

    A year and 11 months… That’s a long time to love someone who is the reason behind your tear stained pillow case. Well i gave you that much of my life. And i wish i could say i hated you but hate is a strong word for someone i loved with every thing in me. I can’t even lie and say i regret it because i don’t. From the day i met you i just couldn’t see my life without you. I couldn’t imagine Sunday dinners or special events without you. I couldn’t see my self going to bed alone every night or waking up without you there. But even when things got bad i still was blinded by love. From the day we started dating, you thought i was a naive 15 year old and you were a big bad 18 year old who could control everything i did. I let you. I let the mental abuse go on for months then it turned physical and i still let it continue. I was scared of you but more scared of losing you. You were the only thing that made me happy but you were the only thing that hurt me. It just became a routine. I had to walk on eggshells to make sure i didn’t piss you off so you wouldn’t kick me out of your jeep an hour away from home or threaten to be done with me. I was trapped between the love i had for you and the freedom i wanted. I was only a teenager who had high school in front of me and you were taking it away. But i thought that’s the price you paid for love. Every time i tried to leave, you always found a way to convince me to stay. My family told me to leave, my friends told me to leave for months… After a year and 11 months i made a choice. I was leaving. It wasn’t just a text goodbye and good riddance to you. I packed up everything i knew up and moved to florida with my dad. I couldn’t stay near you or risk seeing you. Just the thought of you put me in tears. You are the reason i have trust issues, anxiety, and depression. You are the reason i have nightmares and am scared to step foot back in my home state. You are the reason i am so broken. But then again i want to say thank you. Thank you for treating me like i was nothing because now i know what i deserve and now i finally have it. It may have taken me seven months to stop wanting your company, but i will never stop loving you. But now im also content with someone who treats me like i’m their world. Its a wonderful feeling. I don’t cry when someone brings your name up or when i stumble across something that reminds me of you. I’m starting to be okay again and i will never let myself feel like that.

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