• Too broken for this

    by  • October 4, 2016 • * Safe for Work *, Depression • 0 Comments

    i’m so tired,

    my HEART is so tired

    i miss u and u hate me!

    well it feels as if u hate me?

    or u don’t care

    which is even worse

    because if u hated me i would understand

    and at least it meant u felt something

    i know we both hurt each other

    just what a mess it all has been

    u broke my heart and i spun out of control

    reckless and angry, bitter and twisted

    now the wind blows the dust away

    i listen out for echoes

    only to have cold silence

    simple things like being out on the footpath at night

    walking, where we used to walk, in my hood

    that u are not by my side walking with me

    heart heavy, it’s dark and a street lamp flickers

    we don’t “hang out” anymore

    for years gone by

    i stand there and the tears well up

    an owl hoots

    a car drives by

    headphones on

    a track i made for u playing

    as i smoke a cigarette and watch the smoke drift away

    i feel so much pain and regret and sorrow in my heart

    my mind stuck in a dream that fell apart in reality long ago

    even though it is all shattered on the ground

    i look the other way, cover my ears, cover my eyes

    and i keep dreaming, keep hoping, keep crumbling inside,

    as i keep a strong front for my friends and my colleagues,

    who think i’m exactly that – holding it all together.

    the foundations worn away by grief,

    a lost love, stolen by a thief

    and i did not fight i walked away

    i was young and i was naive,

    it was all too much for me,

    my broken past with no dignity.

    i miss u so fucking much! do u know how that feels?
    it comes in waves and it weighs me down so heavy.
    i know we can fix things if u reach out,
    i got so much love for u, i can’t even explain it properly.

    hoping and yearning to hear from u.

    x

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