You took me in at 11 years of age…dropped on your doorstep by my drug addict mother looking for a way out. You raised me and loved me, but you abused my soul. Amongst the laughs, smiles, and hugs the negative words made me feel like a burden. Your psychological games made me feel raw and gross….I felt fat, ugly, and never felt good enough. I was never truly in the family. Despite trying to be perfect in school and in the community, I never won a permanent place. I was constantly reminded I would be nothing without your kindness. I would always be the drug addicts daughter who disrupted your retirement. Years later I had enough…I tried to defend myself and you did exactly what i had assumed. You and the entire family disowned me. I just wanted to talk, instead you stole 4k from me and told me you deserved something for raising me….that line had been forever seared in my memory.
1.5 years later
I forgive you. You cannot give me the love i need. Buy I will cherish the good you gave me. I’m sorry I cannot make amends any more…you could not meet me half way. I miss you and Grandpa..and I’m sorry this had to happen so late in your life. But I too could die tomorrow. But amongst everything I love you. However, I have to let you go to be the happy, healthy, and strong woman God intended me to be.