• Go on, Say I’m a…

    by  • September 13, 2016 • To You • 0 Comments

    Go on, say I’m a narcissist, say I’m manipulative, fake, disingenuous, say it all, everything under the glorious sun!

    Say I pretend to be naive, pretend to be innocent!

    Ooh look at this! Butter wouldn’t melt in my mouth!!!!!!!!!

    You said you didn’t want a relationship. That is what YOU said!

    I said OK! Again and again and again and again, year after year after year after.

    I did what I wanted because WE WERE HAVING CASUAL SEX AND YOU, YES YOU DIDN’T WANT A RELATIONSHIP.

    Now say we tried. Go on, hit me with that!

    When did we try to have a relationship? I didn’t get the memo!

    Haha! NO YOU DON’T GET TO SAY THAT!

    I’m not owning shit for hurting you anymore!

    I wanted whatever you wanted. You get that? You wanted a relationship? You would have had one, and I would have treated you differently, but you didn’t.

    Ahhhh the months of guilt, these last six months, in hell, trying to understand what fuckin planet I arrived on!

    Until…I finally said, (because I DID LOVE YOU, AND I DID WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY AND I DID WANT TO BE THE ONE TO MAKE YOU HAPPY), if it meant we could treat each other properly, if it meant you’d stop breaking MY heart then I want a relationship in which I would treat you EXACTLY as you liked, and pretty much do EXACTLY what you wished.

    You said NO!

    Now you don’t get to say NO because you thought I wanted you to say no. What kind of answer is that?

    I wanted you to say YES!!!!!!!!!!!

    But even so, NOW I got a NO I finally know where I stand!

    YOU ARE THE ONE WHO DIDN’T WANT ME! YOU ARE THE ONE WHO GOT WHAT YOU WANTED AND THEN HAD THE AUDACITY TO MAKE OUT LIKE I DID YOU WRONG.

    NO NO NO.

    I’m not owning shit for hurting you anymore.

    Six months after the end, and finally I know what’s what. Now I can get over you. Now I can find happiness with someone who wants me.

    It hurts. Don’t think it doesn’t. If you turned around tomorrow and changed your mind I’d still be dumb enough to come running.

    But also, I’m going to start caring for MY heart now, I’m going to start allowing it to mend, because it’s been ten years of your rubbish, treating me badly because I gave you the casual arrangement you wanted, flipping it around on me, blaming me and on and on…whatever happens moving forward, you come back and commit or don’t! I’m going to start mending my heart.

    I didn’t throw you a straw man, that comment is not even RELEVANT, it’s not a fight, the offer was a surrender, I threw you my heart and now I FINALLY have it back.

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