We lost each other equally my love. Love of my life. Was I not worth fighting for just as equally? Yes I do miss you. More than anything in the world! No singular word, no meaningful sentence , no paragraph however entwined into this letter, raw or elegantly said will ever equate to how I feel about. To the most remarkable woman I had the pleasure in walking hand in hand on this journey we call life. Our journey is one I wanted to be infinite. I started dreaming more of us than just boyfriend/girlfriend. I dreamt of growing old together. Silly aren’t I.
Has anyone else met someone who forever inspires you to greater heights because you want to be the most amazing person she will always fall in love with you just as you them? Growing together whilst having the times of your lives, at peace within, happy in life, amazed as we go on the adventures that we dreamed about now made reality. What you’ve kindly done for me? Fuck! I haven’t shed a tear in some times now & here I am again. Bloody dust in my eyes again 🙂 Still smiling like how you always made me feel. You will know when you meet someone who is your mirror. I knew the moment we met. I was normally a reserved man who liked by many for I have many characteristics that “tick” the boxes. Yet with her, I pushed that protective wall aside instantaneously because it felt right. IT WAS. We felt so many highs for the majority of the times we were awesome. Those rare times existed obviously. I truly believed we should have been able to work on them together & overcome them. I was wrong. I’m sorry I let you down for why else would I now be writing here.
I promise whoever reads this that when you feel the beat of that drum in our heart heart for the first time to the greatest love I’ve now been privileged to have experienced. BTW, I’ve previously been in a fourteen year loving relationship & a few short one’s since, I’ve had it all, millions, practically everything most dream of & guess what nothing compares to this, hands down I believe this is my first real, true love of my life I’ve experienced-why I have remained committed to always loving her, now from afar(which I would rather wasn’t the case, yet it is ATM being realistic. I’m no longer wanted which I accept because that’s part of unconditional love that was as close to heaven as I’ll be allowed. It changes you as a human permanently. You felt like the first mature Woman who acted like a real woman. How the majority of men dream of being loved. You made that a reality for me. You’ve set the bar so high now lol, why I may never find this again. I need no pity saying this. I want none. It’s a choice I have willingly made. I had never been wanted so much by another. S, your perfect. You truly are. Flaws & all, those vivid blue eyes under those golden locks of silk! You have every trait a man desires. Your probably thinking then why do I get hurt by every man I meet? Because you portray a strong woman on the exterior who really has the most kind, tender loving soul that needs to be loving nurtured as you deserve to be.
Every aspect of who I am was obsolete. I dare anyone to try & live life loving unconditionally. It’s harder than you believe. I’m still ;learning. I always will be.The hardest part of UL? Letting the greatest love of your life go with genuine love for them, not for yourself, because you want her to be happy no matter what. I went through a short yet tough time which you, thank you for patiently enduring me during my “moments” because you loved me which I felt every single time I saw you (the way in which we gazed upon each other still makes me take a deep breath….heard your compassionate voice that made this man melt as if butter, fuck you are so damn alluring. I miss you. I always will. I loved you for exactly who you are. I never wanted to change you. I simply wanted you. I’ll never forget how much happiness we shared, the love I instilled in you that you said you had never felt before(and you’ve been married)….
Whoever is lucky enough to catch your eye now will feel exactly as I do now. Those times when we used to think of each other & text/call each other simultaneously? No matter the distance. How uncanny was that? That happened all the time. Just as I’m doing now, I’ve learnt by drawing forth the magical moments we shared if I begin to become upset over things that I played a major part in creating , think back to when we first met & w many life’s have you touched, strangers included making their day & shared the light that is you through & through. u really believe I’ve stopped trying to be with you? I made you a promise that I will uphold till the day I die. Thank you for opening my blue eyes up to reality. Not a single day since that night where I saw you for the last time. In that moment when you pushed me away which was my fault & of my doing in part, God what a cluster fuck alight. I had done wrong by you. Hindsight sucks! I’d rather learn it then & there when I still could embrace the best hugger in the world. Those lips that I made melt when I held you in my arms, the look you gave me when making love. That was intense! I’d get into trouble if you were in front of me now! hehe. I’d never let you out of our embrace that’s for sure. That’s a promise that I would easily keep till the ends of time.
What you said to me hurt me as much as it did you. Never did I intentionally make you feel like this. How was I meant to be the man who grows with you when you didn’t always communicate with me. I certainly did with you. Too much so which I was at fault for! You were my other half, not my counsellor. That’s where I made a monumentus mistake that played a contributing factor to you walking away. I’m sorry. I didn’t do what I promised to do. Yes my words weren’t backed up with my actions in what I promised. I did try. I will always remember that Sunday night in August, this’ll make you smile….the date is a number , double digits both the same number, then duplicate it so you have four numbers? It would be? 11:11 🙂 Cosmic is one word to describe it. It’s importance to us both more you flexed your wings ave a huge loving heart too remember. We both hurt each other equally in different ways which ich I was wrong want you to always remember that you are remarkable. The love that emanates effortlessly from within you is breathtaking. Your soul breaths literally limitless light. To behold such magic. WOW, it’s breathtakingly beautiful, always remarkable in every beautiful fibre that is you.
Losing you is one of my very few regrets I’ve had in my adventurous life. I’ve seen & done so much that many could only dream of living such a life. I never will be able to share those past untold adventures. Did you know unlike many people I’ve wanted a normal life. So I did that. I put love first above everything. I lost myself in you because I had found what I saw as the greatest treasure that love is….YOU.
You are quite simply the definition of LOVE.
Maybe I shall put pen to paper & write another successful novel one day. No one aside from you knows that. If you ever read this far of course. I resigned from a highly successful career which had limitless possibilities. I would have been set for life. I flew over six thousand kilometers to meet the woman I had a crush on twenty years in high school, only to fall in love with each other over all places! Which I used to bag out, FB! Me who fell in love over the internet with a woman I hadn’t seen in twenty years! Your not meant to become drop dead gorgeous as we get older! If we ever see each other one day you’ll have to let me in on your secret? We fell head over heels for each other.