• You all over.

    by  • April 17, 2016 • To You • 22 Comments

    Look to your left————–> is this left?

    Now, before I start insulting, because I am at a point where I may enjoy it sadly as am not feeling quite like myself.

    Please, your whining, huffing and puffing needs attention , I know I get it.
    See I’ve sort of had time to compare things and realised I am way over my head. At least I was. Did you know there is no “I” in denial? :/ hmm. Back to the point, C a u s e and E f f e c t.
    I wrote that ‘slowly’so that you might, just might understand better? feel free to read it a few times like really. Perhaps stop reading HERE and come back when you have fully understood? Whatever is easier for you, in case your mind waders, then comes up with something like you’d usually say “Why you play games”. Look, just don’t go letting your mind wonder too much, its too small to be out on its own.
    Aaanyway, I read most your letters, because I have been on sort of a mindtox, trying to forgive certain things which I can’t forget. I can’t , its a big thing to forgive, its a gift ; One would have to forgive to take steps forward in rebuilding whatever they have left. I don’t mind stupidity, I don’t like it or the effect it has on me nevertheless its easier than accepting lying. Which I cannot do.
    See going through so many of your letters A lot of de-ja-moos occurred and my brain was a fuse short.
    I had to stand over the toilet and extract half a weeks food – well the other way would have been better.
    I don’t want to pretend or lie or hide the fact you damaged a part of me ok. But I also never gave you the impression that I still hold a candle lit for you. I never invited you to write to me nor do I wish to read anything from you, you should be so lucky. Numerous times in the past I have given you advice, yes it was because I cared. I hope you apply them, I’d hate to think you’re selfishness is still hurting people who are unlucky to be related to you. I would be hoping that you have changed, does it not stop your mind on its way out? To just ask itself, “what if I need to change?” And don’t for one second think this is about me, this is about those who deserve better having no choice but to be around you. I made mine ..

    Count yourself lucky for this attention am giving you is more than you deserve.
    I don’t need you, your words, nothing, absolutely nothing. As long as you are out of my sight I will be happy, isn’t that something you want too? Didn’t you say you wish me happiness and you pray for it. It’s quite possible and reachable with just that one, out of MY SIGHT!

    I don’t care about your theories, your fantasies and the delirious knack you have for the word “love”. And yes love cannot be seen it can only be felt, super dooper I see I have inspired you.
    I guess people ARE meant to be a traveler in our lives, some stay some leave. And you sunshine were out a long time ago. Oh and me and my trees and branches well let me tell you something about that. Something I haven’t told you but will do now with pleasure ; After conversing with you sometimes I have this urge to bang my head on the wall or kiss a dog, hug a tree and appreciate all that because its real, its there, no masks attached.

    As for your women or woman, your fans and your friends, your advisors and suvivors, I don’t give a toss. I’m way too busy to …
    Yes, I also stopped giving a shit about what people think, because at the end of the day YOU and I (Never thought id write that again— one sec, just going to use that wall) right, KNOW THE TRUTH. What you did.. I don’t have an excuse for my behaviour , denial, trauma and horror but again … C a u s e and E f f e c t !!!!

    I will let you in on a little secret, I prayed I got it wrong, time after time. So do remember that before you continue making some poop about what a bitch with intent I am.
    Because its sad isnt it. How I made you the man … lol I honestly just laughed.

    I dont like you . I wont pretend I do.
    You dont deserve those who love you, I know that, they know that, God knows that, everyone knows that apart from you.

    So maybe read between the lines here, you don’t need my respect
    Nor will you ever have it. But maybe God helps me find a way to forgive for MY sake. But that is only if you have changed and care more about those around you than your T.D. No one deserve that.
    About mind games, your way of thinking, your mentality, my way of talking etc has never really been on level , so basically I am saying you’re thick. Hasn’t this worked out quite well? I am such a bitch aren’t I ?
    Writing as you would expect.

    PS : ” My mama don’t like you and she likes everyone”

    Don’t embarrass yourself. Don’t write TO me ABOUT me FOR me nor BECAUSE of me. The me you think you know doesn’t exist.

    Fuck you and have nice day !

    22 Responses to You all over.

    1. @author
      April 17, 2016 at 12:11 pm

      I have never lied to you! I have always been honest with you! What makes you think I’ve lied? Are you walking around assuming I’ve lied? A real friend would confront a person when they feel lied too, and give a person chance to clear up any miscommunication. You never did that. You run and hide and assume. Its not fair to walk around treating people like that, because you’ve been hurt by a lot of other people. You had a lot going on behind the scenes that you weren’t honest with me about, with your personal life. I’ve done nothing but try and help you, and to be honest the only reason I stayed on this site was because you were threatening to kill yourself, or so that’s what I assumed. You gave me nothing but communication to make me assume. I haven’t hurt you intentionally. My baby girls dad was dying, I had to push distance between us, for my daughters sake. It wasn’t because I didn’t want to be around you. I needed you most then than ever. You took it as something it wasn’t. I had no clue your home life was upsidedown you never told me about any of it. Now who used who? You saying you hate me, ya that hurts bad, really bad. I hope you feel better after getting that off your chest. I could never say I hate you, never! I haven’t been with another female but you. In 16 yrs, you have been the only female, I have told you that several times, but I guess a person will believe what they want to believe. I can’t force you to believe me. If this is how you treat people who care about you, then I want no part of it! I still hope you find happiness, you deserve all the love in the world, to me. I will never think less of you, not even this letter makes me hate you! I still love you no matter what.

    2. Good work...
      April 17, 2016 at 5:55 pm

      It is important to get all of the hate and anger out.

      Love and hate. Me thinks they are kind of one and the same.

      You could not experience one without the other right?

      You seem real really pissed that someone overcame the latter.

      Give it time. You will be able to do so as well.

      Love you,

      Cupid

    3. Lovely
      April 17, 2016 at 11:44 pm

      At least your telling the truth for Once. All you’ve inspired me is realising how broken you are????

    4. Author
      April 18, 2016 at 10:54 am

      Sadly, once again I seem to have aimed my arrow and hit you please accept my apologies. You are not the person this is about.
      Sorry about the death and your situation, that must have been hard for you. Anyone who knows the bitch that I am also knows that I am always there especially in a difficult situation. I would never leave a friend stranded, but I dont like to pry either I rather people let me know they needed me because I have learnt sticking my nose in first isnt the best way about it. But the person im writing wasnt a friend nor nor ever will be.

    5. Author
      April 18, 2016 at 11:28 am

      Am not gay either :/

    6. Devils Advocate
      April 18, 2016 at 11:50 am

      First time I’ll say something negative on here! Your the sort of person everyone that has a heart should avoid. Your a destroyer of souls! Your selfish & demeaning someone inhumanely. Grow up! How many have you hurt? Does anyone agree she sounds toxic! Are you a manipulator? Feels like it? Personally I don’t hate anybody & I’d hate to meet such a hollow person like you! Do you have any disorders? One thing your right about? Your a BITCH. Said it yourself! Glad I don’t know you! I’m sorry whoever this letter was meant for. Ignore them.

    7. Author @D's Advocate
      April 18, 2016 at 2:40 pm

      I have many disorders. I also love that you speak your mind. That is exactly how I meant to come across not so much to piss off the wrong person but just as you say it. Sometimes you just have to be as expected. Not sure about hollow …? I will definitley think about it.
      Ive hurt everyone I know. Im sure of it πŸ™‚
      But not the way the man am talking tointhis post. You name one person whos never hurt another? Im not evil. But this was intentional — So maybe you should be my adv.

    8. @Author
      April 18, 2016 at 3:12 pm

      Obviously I do not know you.

      But I do know writing styles, and it is somewhat easy for me to decipher between some of the regular characters on here.

      If I am right, one day you seem to singing poetic words about an amazing friendship, the next spewing words of disgust about a toxic past relationship.

      Are you writing to the same person or multiple people? The reason I ask, is because it seems most of us on here write ‘letters’ to 1 person. Maybe you are writing to multiple people and that would clarify things.

      … But if it is one person you are writing…

      Are you okay? Are you experiencing an emotional roller coaster ride? One day love and adoration, the next hate and disgust?

      If so, that is ok, it is quite normal, when you combine love/hate with communication issues. I am sure most people experience that, whether they are honest enough to admit it or not. Perhaps you are confusing some letters that were not intended for you? Or are you certain that the letters you are referring to were for you?

      Have you had any recent direct communication with whomever you are writing to to confirm this? Are your sentiments justified? Care to share why you feel this way about this person? What they did to you to make you feel this way?

      Regardless, good for you to try get it all out! It is not healthy to hold such things in. Please clarify if you would like. This community does have a lot of caring people that are happy to try to help others and provide advice.

      Hope you are okay and hope you have a wonderful rest of your day!

    9. Peter C
      April 18, 2016 at 4:16 pm

      Ha, I love it! “Fuck you, and have a nice day!” That is just so great! πŸ™‚

      You sound smart, and insightful, and direct, and still bruised too. Or maybe like someone recovering from the bite of a toxic animal. Bite marks still there, still infected and puffy but it’s beginning to heal, not as bad as it was, damaged but not destroyed.

      It’s a long letter, it must’ve taken awhile to put together. I hope it was a relief to write and to post, and I hope that whoever this guy is, he is firmly in your rear view mirror. And I hope you don’t need to look in that mirror very much any more, it would be a waste of your time and energy. Go, girl.

    10. @author
      April 18, 2016 at 5:42 pm

      Sorry I had responded, but damn I needed that, so thank you for yanking my chain! Lmao
      Yes my person seems to not want anything to do with me, so this letter had hit home. Is there a way to control those arrows a bit? ROFLMAO
      I really am not use to getting upset, it goes against my persona!

    11. Author
      April 19, 2016 at 3:47 am

      @Everyone

      Initially this site was one I would often turn to (since 2010) just as a reader, to get inspiration about feelings and emotions to help me out with the ‘writer’s block’. As a writer I lack craft and many skills I admit.
      Writing is my hobby, one I love and enjoy.

      But, I am as human as everyone else. I make mistakes, I do have many disorders that is no secret.
      This is an anonymous site, I do write to many people.
      This particular post is written to an individual Peter C describes very well. I guess my anger, my sarcasm but no hatred comes through. One thing about this which happens to be a difficult one is , Im having a hard time to forgive the one in question. I am big on forgiving so perhaps, after re-reading its opened my eyes a little wider. If I cannot forgive this one I must have a good reason.
      See, I love people. I want to make everyone smile, I want to go to sleep each night knowing that I drew a smile on someones face and that makes me happy. I am sarcastic, very much so. But evil is what Im not so I guess I can understand how contradicting I am in this case.

      I am rebuilding just as I think everyone else should. Believe in yourselves , if you hurt someone rectify it, acknowledge, apologise and you will feel loads better. I have no sympathy for the person I wrotethis to simply because of the collateral damage he has caused.

      I am ok really, but this is a site where I can vent when I want to so why shouldnt I if it makes me feel Ive released all the negativity.
      I am sorry if I caused an unwanted atmosphere please find it in your hearts to smile after all I was open.

      No body is perfect , me least of all but I do feel better knowing there arestill beautiful people in this world . If that is not hope I dont know whT is.

      @Peter C : I do wish , with that rain , there is a way hatred could be washed from people’s soul. Wouldnt that be just wonderful. I send you smiles πŸ™‚

    12. David
      April 19, 2016 at 4:06 am

      I’m glad this letter was written & I have to thank you for it has set me free. Though I haven’t written any letters, I’m happy now imagining this is her? Yes it does hurt words such as you’ve said for your so far off the mark if it were to me that it’s sad in a way. Her mother did speak about her friends too & not in a good way either! I did pray for her to find her happiness for she was so hurt emotionally from previous relationships. We all have I suppose. Not too that extreme though. I’ve always been my own man & was before I met her. She never made me, I won’t go there. Did she inspire me? Yes she did and once more in ways that don’t concern you. Thick I must be for replying here. If this was her then you’ve proved that what I never wanted to believe to be true. I hope your not her for I’d like to cherish the memories I have of us not this. She & I know the truth and aside from all the comments that’s all that matters. Caio.

    13. Author
      April 19, 2016 at 4:24 am

      I want to add something which no doubt anyone sane knows already.
      People are different, to me that is what makes a beautiful world. Also people we interact with and give time of our life- short life, either pull out good or bad from within us, some have a positive effect some negative.
      I say I am a bitch because I AM sarcastic, but more than less my sarcasm is spat out to make one think why I would say such a thing. One must have wisdom and a sense of humour to recognise if I mean harm or otherwise.

      There is some truth in Devils Adv’s response. Hence why I havent replied as I usually would with some sort of defence. I intended to make this person think,that will be hard because he would have to read it over and over to understand why I am saying what I state. If he knows me as well as he claims he should have no trouble agreeing with himself that what I say is all true. I stated facts in some indirect way but really as bad and as sarcy as it sounds I still mean no actual harm.
      Its a hint to contemplate and leave with any dignity he might have left. And those close to him I mentioned are ones he should appreciate and if he treatedthem as they deserve its half way towards rectifying the fdamage caused. I think il stop here.

      If I was all sweet and poetic every day I wouldnt be real.
      I cant lie , sometimes I wish I could.

    14. Urge to write this
      April 20, 2016 at 10:38 am

      I have been following your posts for almost a month now. Since March 25th, if I remember correctly.

      I believe I was one the apples your arrow hit! I think you have hit several apples. Collateral damage I guess you could say πŸ˜‰

      As much as you are all over the place, I still really really like you. You make me laugh. You are extremely witty, frighteningly intelligent. And most of all embarrassingly HONEST. Especially with all #2 and TD references;)

      Yes, you are a bitch, but that is fine as long as you acknowledge it!

      Most women can be, just as most Men can be assholes.

      But as far as TRUTH and JUSTICE are concerned… Transparency is usually the best solution for that.

      Otherwise, people tend to get their wires crossed. Thus the collateral damage.

      I got my wires crossed on here recently and as such provided full disclosure on and off of LINS. At first I was extremely embarrassed, but now I sleep like a baby for the first time in my adult life. It was the last thing from my past that I had yet to deal with, and still kept me up at nights. Putting everything on the table and showing all of my cards, AKA transparency, was exactly what the doctor ordered! Way better than Ambian and Lunesta!

      Aaanyways, just so you know intelligence and stupidity are not all encompassing. I.e.: someone can have a knack for reading the cards of others, but have no clue how to play their own.

      Cheers peace love!

      P.s. We need to lay off the sauce!

    15. Sweet and sour
      April 20, 2016 at 11:01 am

      One other thing…

      Whomever you decide to partner up with in life, make sure it is someone that can handle and appreciate all of your sides.

      Each one glistens in the right light.

      Find someone that you can always be yourself with. Someone that you can provide a full baggage disclosure and they won’t blink an eye. Wink

      Someone that will always love you, no matter what.

    16. But you have lied many times
      April 20, 2016 at 6:20 pm

      Dignity is a big word coming from you! Collateral damage? I’d like to know in what way? You write as if you did no wrong when that is a lie. You have so many times & were caught out so what you write is null & void. I’ll write you a letter with fact not fiction for once as I haven’t written a letter here. Not bad for someone that said they never came here!

    17. I'll just add
      April 20, 2016 at 6:50 pm

      I wrote Devils Advocate & you can’t be writing about me for I haven’t written any letters for a long time. None this year in fact! So carry on as you are. Still feels like her. Lies were said & many other words which are no where near what you’ve said. Now I laugh for maybe there’s truth in the word dignity. I’m glad you are able to say all this with such conviction. So far from the truth in my situation & that’s what matters. I’ll be your advocate. The advocate of the real truth. Carry on like always.

    18. Author
      April 25, 2016 at 2:53 am

      Ooh I think I hit a nerve. πŸ™‚
      @lied? Collateral damage is hurting more than several people in the process , like the innocent before me- and those you will always be hurting in the search of your enjoyment. Sad

      As for everyone else thank you for your responses πŸ™‚
      And I do have someone who accepts me and I am very much loved for who I am. This was no work of fiction by the way- its just the way I have written it.

    19. Author
      April 25, 2016 at 3:37 am

      You have written quite a few that inspired me to write this. It is an annonymous site after all and if I am talking to you … (which I doubt very much) unless you have taken some well needed classes. But maybe more thearpeutic and effective if I was to write on a non annonymous site :/ . But I am glad you have your little elves helping you , I always did say you are the type who has qualities of a dictator.
      Dicktator even. (That should be a recognised word )
      What is most interesting is what you defended yourself with, what you said were my “reasons”for having signed your arse into full attention of those on the right side. Thats a bit contradicting since I cared more about her than you ever did, plus you still pursuing your dreams and filling your deprivation continuing the same old. Not to mention that I throw up at the sight of you so its beside me why you would say that.
      You disgust me.
      Again , I doubt much it is you but what the hell, might as well get it out.

    20. Author
      April 25, 2016 at 3:41 am

      Sauce? Im intruiged, whats that about πŸ™‚ ?

    21. Peter C
      April 25, 2016 at 4:19 pm

      @author –

      “@Peter C : I do wish , with that rain , there is a way hatred could be washed from people’s soul. Wouldn’t that be just wonderful. I send you smiles :-)”

      Thanks for the smiles! Yup; how great if rain could wash away anger; how wonderful if the sun could warm a cold and darkened heart. How amazing if the wind might whisper wisdom in the ears of those who listen, and if the colors of the whole wide world could drive the grey from the souls of those we love.

    22. @peterC
      April 26, 2016 at 5:12 pm

      I have read nothing but good deep wisdom in your words.
      You made me smile. God Bless your beautiful soul

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