Since the beginning of the year, I feel like I have grown as a person in leaps in bounds. I’m questioning what I want out of life, easing out of my shell for my own personal growth, and rediscovering who I am. I have started talking to people in my classes, reaching out to make new friends, and reconnecting with old ones. I want to be happy and I’m choosing to find happiness by changing my life for the better. I am back in college and working towards a degree for a job that allows me to stand on my own two feet while doing something I will enjoy.
I will no longer keep out the people that I love and my sister is someone who I love wholeheartedly. On Friday, I called my sister and we had an honest conversation about being stuck in unhappy marriages. I had suspected that she was unhappy and I couldn’t quite figure out if she wanted to talk about it or how she would react if I asked her point blank if she was happily married. I did know if I didn’t try to connect with her and take that risk by reaching out to her, things would stay the same and I don’t want that for either of us. We shared our lives with each other as we never had before and it was such a relief to both of us. She confided her secrets and I revealed things that I had never told anyone else, things I had been compartmentalizing for well over a decade.
I lost myself for a very long time by allowing him to steal pieces of me until I was only a shadow of who I had been. I could not figure out why he was so anxious about my return to college and why he had attempted to delay it instead of supporting my efforts. I now know it’s because he knew, HE KNEW, once I was let out of my cage and I would never want to return.