Gosh, this is a letter that I really, actually need to send. Please forgive me for not being the better person you have been encouraging me to be, for not making the grade, for missing the mark. And please forgive me for blaming others for it, including you. I see that it was me all along. I was the obstacle.
From this better vantage point in my heart, I can see you gave me exactly the wise counsel I needed to effect change. You have always been charming, elegant, professional, giving a soft word/answer, brilliant, strategic, kind, full of self control–all the things needed in leadership and in the heart. I saw those things, but, well, I was not in a place to fully appreciate them. You likely know more of my story than I would ever have anyone know. But even if my blackest sin was known (and I’ve no doubt it is), even my shame is still worth the price of being able to become a better and whole person for it and to bring the light of Christ instead of lashing out in fear and anxiety.
I think I’m winding down my career where I am right now, as I believe the Lord has another plan for me at this juncture. I’m just going to let Him lead. But until I make that leap, I am hoping you will forgive me and allow me to be the better person you have encouraged me to be all along. I am hoping you will allow me to practice my newly acquired skills on a trusted friend (you).
I believe you will understand.