I pray you find this. I have no other way to contact you now.
These last few days have been the most bizarre I have ever experienced. I have not slept or eaten. I felt like I was having a mental breakdown. There were forces and voices entering my body that I have never felt. Something evil. I thought I was going to have to go to the hospital.
But I kept calling on his name. ‘Lord Jesus’ to guard off. I could not sleep because I had the instinctive feeling that if I did I would not wake up. Heartbreak can do that.
I could not get that line “thank God that it was not too late” and I knew it had meaning. I got down on my knees and prayed. Prayed that it would not end this way with you. Prayed to give just this one thing in my life and I will forever be in his service.
I then I realized something. How could my prayers be answered if I did not truly believe in Jesus as my Savior? And at that moment I took him into my heart, and believed, and I was saved. Just like that I felt the heaviness in my heart go and it was very powerful. Like a new life had entered me. I asked for forgivness for all my sins. But mostly for hurting you. And that 1 lie I told you. I seriously think there is only one, told twice. But I will have to think about that some more. I always tried to be honest with you.
I was so excited I called both of my parents crying and told them “I just got saved!” They had been praying me and they shared my joy.
As much as I did not want to believe it, I was not a believer. I had blamed God for all the pain he caused me in my life and for all the pain I saw everywhere else. No matter how good I tried to be I never got good in return. So I turned love into my Religion, instead.
I am saved! You saved me! I am not sure if it would have ever happened if this did not unfold the way has. There is a reason for everything! And to me this is a miracle.
If I had been saved when I met you I do not believe I would have been able to do the things I did. I did not even how wrong or damaging they could be, because I had become conditioned to world around me and assumed everyone else had too. And without God I could not fight my flesh.
So anyways, regardless of what unfolds with us, if you can forgive me, and if we ever do reunite, just know that you saved me. And you are now officially my angel!
And if we are ever able to reunite I will write a book about it and it will be one of the best Love/Christian stories ever told.