• I am going to miss you..

    by  • March 27, 2016 • * Safe for Work *, To You • 30 Comments

    I know you will never come across these words, but they are from the heart.

    Wasn’t long ago that I realised when I am writing to you and wr exchange words that they become so, beautiful.

    You have helped me so much with , him and the situation. First you helped me open my eyes, I learnt what love is. Genuine love. The kind which doesn’t expect absolutely no thing, nothing…in return.

    You are no angel and neither am I. We hardly judged each other, I know that every word you sent me was making a difference, maybe because I have so much respect for you or maybe because you happen to be that person who is just genuine. I often closed my eyes when you’d send me an audio or id speak to you on the phone, you had such a comforting effect. I don’t think, that il ever be able to thank you enough. You have showed me more emotionally than a physical hug, a touch a kiss. You dearest are the perfect example of a friend ..
    Someone who gave me so much yet wanted nothing in return. I regret not having that coffee with you. But I am so cherophobic, Ive become so fragile the best thing I feel is distance I don’t know why but yesterdays trick made me realise that its not just the possibility of it being a lie but the fact he was so unloyal to you that it came back to me. Rather than giving you an ultimatum or asking you to make a choice between us I am making this decision because I feel its the right one.

    I just feel weak but angry too and If there is any possibility in hurting you I will rather distance myself than risk it. To hurt offend or disrespect you would be the last thing ever that i would allow.

    I know you would be on his side , my heart tells me so but thats ok. I understand. I lied to you by saying am not hurt. Its hurt me … so much that I miss you More than il ever miss him yet… well, you know the irony in that.

    You bring such smiles to my face that it bought tears on my eyes. You might think you haven’t touched me. But you know what? You have. More than you will ever know and you touched me right in the heart. And it warmed me up at the moment i needed it most.

    I wish you soo much happiness. You muppet. But I want you to be healthy happy jolly and remain wanderfully amazing a man that you truly are.

    You are wrong about me being a star.
    Believe my words you are the star.

    If you had hurt me (and his bs was right) if anything i spit at his loyalty because i know for a fact you would never do that to him. And you hurting me?
    Id let you do it again and again and again anything just so you are peaceful.

    Because you deserve so much better I am leaving a space open in your life for someone who deserves your friendship. I dont. Everything I touch breaks.

    They are lucky , so lucky to have you. If I had a choice and had it different. Id give it all to spend time in your “halo” presence, just to talk to you , write with you, laugh with you and let my eyes dance over yoir face while you smile.

    I love you. Ok not sexually or. .you know.
    But I do and thats the best thing I have learnt in life, and you were my teacher

    I will miss you, I already do.

    I pray for all the best come your way i.s.A

    Tonight 11 was the new 12.

    🙂 You light up the world just by existing, so as long as you are there, anywhere il be able to “see” when its dark.

    >i<

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    30 Responses to I am going to miss you..

    1. you
      March 27, 2016 at 1:07 pm

      Your already gone! You already have disrespected me. I’m not worth clear communication to you. I wasnt worth even a goodbye! You’ve already been gone! I have to accept you just don’t want me in your life. After this letter, I see clearly I’m talking against the wind. That’s OK its been 5 months and I’m still standing. I am also making new friends. I hope you are too. I mean that. I will keep my promise that I give you 3 days to respond with “hey” in a text. If in 3 days I don’t get that text, I won’t hold on anymore. I’m tired of the mind games.




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    2. @author
      March 27, 2016 at 4:22 pm

      Its letters like this that make hope fade.




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    3. @author
      March 27, 2016 at 4:25 pm

      I don’t even know why I need to wait 3 days for a “hey”, I already know the outcome! It is what it is.




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    4. Feel u
      March 27, 2016 at 4:28 pm

      Quite touching, u sure u don’t want to tell him this ?




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    5. Author confused.
      March 27, 2016 at 6:25 pm

      Urm. Thanks for your comments people. But, this isnt refering to anyone on this site . Hes out having a blast 🙂 and so he should.

      As for this “hey” … sorry but do I know you?
      And if you are waiting for a hey from me well, lol. You’ll be waiting a long long time. Mind games? I really am confused. I feel almost like my dead ex has come from his grave and is haunting me.

      Nah. This letter is dedicated to a dear friend. And maybe no need for further replies. Unless someone has something to say about it rather than assume …its about you… Im getting sick of this one person.




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    6. My Turn
      March 28, 2016 at 8:42 am

      Beautiful letter. Thank you.

      But at the same time it makes me so angry. Angry because you let fear win. Are there not some things in life worth fighting for?

      You may not my person… but I need to vent to my person right now…

      Did you ever once put yourself in my shoes? Like really try to put yourself in my shoes, knowing what information you had provided me?

      After you told me what had happened to you before us I felt an extreme amount of guilt for how I treated you after what you had experienced. So much so that I tried for years and years to see you in person to be able express my sorrow and apologies for my actions.

      My paradigm shift where I realized that you might still be hurting, that some scars never truly heal, just came a couple weeks ago. The difference between perception and reality can be profound. That is why I reached out and asked if you were ok. For the longest time I had no idea how much I may of really hurt you. I had zero idea that you still had any feelings. You never told me anything. You never opened up and shared anything. I could not read your mind.

      You see, this whole time I pretty much thought you hated me for what I did to you and were taking joy in my pain. Taking joy in rejecting my every effort to try to communicate with you. Communicate with you so I could express my apologies. So I could tell you how I felt. So you could tell me how you felt. So I could tell you what I wanted and you could tell me what you wanted. So we could grow to know and trust each other better – in any form of a relationship.

      Do you think it is easy to wait this many years for the only heart you ever loved to thaw and forgive? Do you really think that after you ripped mine out time and time again, the ball was still somehow always in my court? Do you see how I could have construed the pain you caused me as revenge for your pain? How profoundly my previously relationship might have effected my phyche? That with each rejection from you, went even more of my courage.

      Ive tried to let go many times too you know, but I kept getting pulled back in deeper each time, until I finally just drowned.

      Also FYI, I am single, have been for most of the past 5 years, and have only been with 1 person since you. That was my penance to myself for my guilt. Plus how could I really pursue being with other people when my heart belongs to someone else. That is cheating on your heart. You have my heart.

      1 minute too late… after 5 years of waiting? That is just another BS fear based ego excuse. Because a relationship would be HARD work. It would require a ton of trust, patience, sacrifice, and LOVE. Especially since we both have so much healing to do.

      Yes I am pissed. And I think I have a right to be.

      This whole mess started with fear. I truly hope it does not end with it.

      What exactly are you so scared of? I am a renewed Christian who recently gave his heart back Christ.
      I would never hurt you, I could never hurt you, I will always be honest, I will hold you every night, I will wipe your tears, I will bring you breakfast in bed, I will go to the store to buy you pickles, I will be there for YOU always. And list goes on…

      I do not have anything material to give you right now, because I recently lost everything after my soul went into shock. I still have a business and we could probably get by ok. But we could get it all back 10 fold with the strength of you by my side, and we could build a wonderful life together. It would not always be easy but as long as we always have each other, what-else really matters?

      So what are the issues? What are reasons you will not see and have my love?

      Fear alone? The fear of turning a fantasy into reality?

      At least I can say I tried to overcome it with love. No regrets here. They say love always wins. We shall see.

      Our story is like the Notebook. Except you got all my letters. And you never wrote me back. And you never visited. And you never opened your heart.

      I hoped for a better ending.




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    7. Author confused.
      March 28, 2016 at 10:58 am

      Guys I wrote this letter and feel guilty now to have rattled your emotions. I almost want to laugh because he touches the world and doesnt even know it. I have utmost respect for him.and we both have reasons why we shouldnt interact as much I just felt that night writing this just because I could. Honestly its not about anyobe on this site. Hes helped me be a better person and he makes my day. I do have feelings for him, but thry are care for his welfare and love thats just for someone very dear to me There is no chemical attraction between the two of us.
      I hope this helps clear a few things up ?




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    8. Nice try :)
      March 28, 2016 at 11:24 pm

      If you can feel your heart flutter, when he thinks about you from hundreds of miles away, then I am going to go ahead and say there might just be some small amount of chemical attraction.




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    9. @author
      March 28, 2016 at 11:58 pm

      The long Vent comment above probably should of been posted under your ‘Goodbye’ post. Because this post was too beautiful to be tarnished with angry comments.

      Don’t let them bother bother you 🙂




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    10. Speechless
      March 29, 2016 at 2:09 pm

      I was called Muppet:( leave me alone then. Your so wrong and selfish




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    11. Reader
      March 29, 2016 at 6:13 pm

      I am not all that bothered about the comments but they made me laugh.

      @Nicetry Havent recalled that feeling yet where he is concerned. But he made me laugh , and he made me think, and consider life and shit and I could say this in all honesty that hes a great man and was a wonderful friend.




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    12. Bundle @ My Turn
      March 30, 2016 at 2:52 pm

      That bit about being a Christian . . .
      Maybe ya shoulda kept that to yourself . . .




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    13. @ author
      March 30, 2016 at 4:12 pm

      Not sure why someone would want to vent out in someone else’s beautiful post. And ventout isn’t a a good read either .




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    14. Author
      March 31, 2016 at 10:23 am

      I regret posting this now 🙂




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    15. What everybody missed here?
      March 31, 2016 at 11:59 am

      I say to everyone didn’t you see the clue?
      Right in front of your eyes.
      Only because of their deception
      Now it’s so obvious
      You are emotionally cheating therefore are you not?

      P.S. I wasn’t lying about that! Why would I? Did you bother to verify this? So who’s now lying? That’s the irony.




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    16. Pixie
      April 1, 2016 at 11:19 am

      Author it is a good post, thanks for posting I loved reading it. . hugs.




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    17. Author
      April 1, 2016 at 12:02 pm

      Again. Regret posting this 🙂




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    18. @Missed
      April 1, 2016 at 3:15 pm

      Maybe your post was Irony. Maybe not.

      It was beautiful writing regardless. If anything you have turned into a wonderful writer. Your intelligence frightens me.

      You know what is funny? After I sent you that PM last week, I was so worried that you were going to think I was crazy that I prepared my own excuse:

      “A satirical take on the book 1Q82 and us.” Which I never read by the way. Too long and had a story line that did not interest me. Plus I have not been doing much reading lately. I kind of lost interest in it a few years back.

      We are both thinking about this too much and reading too far into it. Just because you can’t explain something, does not mean you need to keep looking for the answers. I really can’t make myself believe that you are doing this to hurt me. I know that is not you.

      But you know what they say: “Hell hath no fury like a women scorned.”

      Please take my advice – we both should try to stay off of this site. It is not healthy for us. Or at the very least agree to keep our communication on this post or the other one only – so we don’t get confused by the noise.




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    19. Yes
      April 2, 2016 at 11:16 am

      I did emotionally cheat myself as well as you by not apologizing and sharing my feelings all these years. Further by the 2 lies I told you.

      As did you I and yourself by never expressing your feelings, hurt, and anger.

      But the thing is I was the Man. I never really manned up. I was a coward.

      It was just something I felt needed to be expressed in person. You I and phone calls never really worked. Your voice is too squeaky:)




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    20. Author
      April 3, 2016 at 5:54 am

      Like, seriously. I wish I never wrote this.




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    21. @Reader who is the Author
      April 5, 2016 at 4:17 am

      I wrote “missed” & there’s no irony here for you didn’t PM me or never have. Your wrong on so many things and I’m past caring about your lies. How could I think they’re not?




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    22. Author&Reader
      April 7, 2016 at 6:30 am

      Why are people reacting to a post which has nothing to do with them?
      I wrote a letter to someone who I care about, and I wanted to say all these things. Hes never going to read it.

      @pixie Thank you sweet thing. Hug
      (I am a pixie too)




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    23. You Lied That's All That Matters
      April 7, 2016 at 10:31 pm

      Funny that you posted Twins! Cheating from the beginning. Your right you never did have anything to do with me which isn’t irony! Whatever I’m a fuckung muppet alright for believing when this whole time I’ve been played. Funny enough I had another call today from the collection agency. Good life Essedon WTF guess what their name was? Dez Sed? Mm…Replace that with (Dez Sleeze) oh I wonder where I’ve see that on a site called Rabbit? How they got my personal details & number isn’t a mystery. Have fun with them.




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    24. Author at confusing comment
      April 8, 2016 at 4:42 pm

      Am confused , I dont know what you people are talking about. Apart from a few genuine readers who accept when they get things wrong – this is beyond ridiculous . I guess I am just going to forget this post and write another one.. a personal one so that no one relates.




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    25. That one chap
      April 12, 2016 at 2:29 am

      “I hope you never lose your sense of wonder,
      You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger,
      May you never take one single breath for granted,
      GOD forbid love ever leave you empty handed,
      I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean,
      Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens,
      Promise me that you’ll give faith a fighting chance,
      And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.

      I hope you dance….I hope you dance.”

      And though it pains me to see you go, I am helpless to stop you. You were a big part of me and I came up short. In your going a part of me is lost forever. God speed my love may you walk the earth in peace

      x




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    26. that one chap
      April 12, 2016 at 3:33 pm

      Hey folks, no need to bicker. This letter is obviously and sadly addressed to me




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    27. 0:00?
      April 12, 2016 at 7:22 pm

      🙁

      I can’t believe how many comments this one keeps getting. Lots of people must think a bit too highly of themselves, to think they deserve to be loved by an angel in human form 🙂

      I know I don’t. But I can/t stop thinking about the 11 clues and I can’t stop seeing 11’s everyday. Ever since I opened my eyes. It’s like the real Angels are trying to tell me something. Not sure what it is, so I just cary on believing.

      Look forward to your ‘personal’ post.




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    28. Author @that1chap
      April 13, 2016 at 3:35 pm

      You can see now why I felt forced to get you to read this.
      I love how you make me feel.

      But, its pointless now, this post for I cannot live a day without you.
      And I dont ever want to lose you.
      You are a Godsend. You are my halo. You are the one person my words love to shower.




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    29. Author @that1chap
      April 13, 2016 at 3:57 pm

      Dance? Maybe you’re hopes will adhere.
      🙂 You’ve seen me surely, dancing like no one is watching. Now thats something I cant say no to.

      I hope that the first day of next month all i do is dance dance and dance some more. Dont forget to raise your glass 😉




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