• Why do I keep loving you

    by  • March 22, 2016 • * Safe for Work *, To You • 2 Comments

    Sometimes I think there’s a chance for us. Then I remember I’m me and your you and us happening could only happen in an alternate universe where you’re someone else and I’m some one else too. The first time I saw you we were in the 4th grade. The first time I talked to you we were a year older. You made me laugh and light some sort of light in my chest very little people seemed to be able to do so. Then I left and I didn’t see you again for four years. I’m pretty sure it was something about your eyes that first caught me. The way they were exactly the opposite of mine. I know it sounds cliche, but it was something about them that made me swoon. When I saw you again you were different. Back then almost about every girl in our grade though you were cute. In the fifth grade i guess “cute” is equivalent to what I know see as hot. This time, four years later not many girls saw you that way. Your hair was longer and way messier and you now had a beard, this was weird considering most boys in our grade had either, skin soft as a babies butt or soft as a babies but but with a bit of that disgusting black mustache that is barely noticeable but at the same tie you notice. I was always pretty tall, but you were always taller. This year, when I finally saw you again, you were taller. So was I. But you were still almost a head taller. None of the girls found you attractive. I didn’t think of you as a supermodel either, but I was far from that so who was I to judge. So you can guess my feelings for you are pretty serious considering your looks aren’t what made me swoon just like in the fifth grade. It was mostly the ability to make me smile and make that light in my chest shine bright again just like four years ago. Yet you first fell for my cousin. The very person who new me better than myself. The very person who could easily be called my sister except for the fact we don’t have the same parents. The very person I love the most. Also the very person I always compared myself to. Not only me but everyone. She’s way more social. She’s way skinnier. She’s way funnier. And a little while ago I realized she was also way prettier. It hurt. Because even though I love her I knew she’d hurt you because she was just simply like that. Not because you weren’t worth her love but because she could be the most shallow person on earth. Also the most selfish. And you did not deserve that. So then you let it go and soon after fell for one of my very best friends. The most painful part of all was you asking me for advice. And even worst me giving it to you. I don’t know if it was out of love or out of pure cowerdness maybe even both, but I helped. I even encouraged you and told you how to make it perfect. You agreed, clueless to all those tears shed for you and all those drunk nights trying to forget your very existence. Why on earth do I keep loving you if you don’t care about me? All Ive ever really wanted was to be worth your love. But I guess since you’ll never read this, chances are you’ll never actually know my feelings.
    Love, M

    2 Responses to Why do I keep loving you

    1. idk
      March 22, 2016 at 2:32 pm

      But you are right, I’ll actually never know.

    2. FFS
      March 23, 2016 at 1:43 pm

      My own cousin!

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