I write this down as again, for the nth time, I think about you..about us. I think about how perfect we could be. How perfect your hand will fit into mine, how you’ll laugh at my ridiculous jokes, how we’d build a future together, how you’d plant sweet kisses on my forehead, how we would have 3 am conversations, how would it feel to wake up beside you in the morning, how we’d get green tea from Starbucks until we grow old. But I also think of how to let you go and unlove you as you leave. I count the possibility of finding someone more perfect than you are, but it all seems blurry to me.
Funny, I look at how perfect you are for me every single day and I don’t even know if you even see me in the same shade of rose-colored glasses. I am constantly in trance, dazed, as I still think what do I really mean to you. You leave me breathless and confused.
You are perfect because I am choosing to see beyond your flaws and the stupid, painful fact that I am out of your league. I list down so many reasons why you can’t love me and why we can’t be, and it’s always breaking my heart..
How can I unlove you? How can I not look at you without making my heart beat faster and feel like everything is a dream. How can I stop being intoxicated by your scent or the fact that your lips were always those I wanted to kiss. I’m sorry that I can never be good enough for you. Maybe you won’t even know how I truly feel. I know that as you leave, you’d be leaving me in broken pieces too, and we might never see each other again in this lifetime. I have to unsee how you looked at me and how you make me fall in love with you every single time. You always said I deserved the best, but when will you realize that the best thing that ever happened to me is you?
PS. This is only one of a lot of letters I wrote but I can never send.