Dearest H, We have been together for so long, more than half our lives now. I wish I knew what happened, why I was not enough for you, why you needed him, why you after 20 years decided to finally let me know that you changed your mind and did not want children. But you cannot or will not answer these questions. I wish I was stronger. I wish I wasn’t like my father who has stayed with a mentally ill abuser for 60 years. For some reason the men in my family just stay, no matter how bad it gets. It’s what we do. I want to leave. I want to start over, but I can’t. I’m too old now. There’s too many things wrong physically and my youth has passed. No woman wants a washed up 40 year old to have kids with who might not even make it to the kids graduation. I’m stuck with you. It’s a gilded cage. I can have whatever I want, except a loving relationship with someone who is open and shares with me and wants a family. I can come and go as I please, but I don’t. You will let me buy anything I want, but I can’t have what I need. You share your workday with me but keep your heart closed. I have grown cold and bitter. I share no more. You have made it clear don’t need me. So why do you insist that I stay? Why do you want me here? Why didn’t you just run away with him? Why don’t I leave, couldn’t I find someone? I don’t know if I could open up again to someone, and I know I have closed the doors tightly against you. When you betrayed me I was shattered, even though my heart was already growing cold. I cannot trust. Was the embrace of your childhood boyfriend worth the pain you caused so many people in your life? I wasn’t the only one you hurt. I love your family. They have shown me love like I never knew as a child. They included me. They held me up when I could stand no more. I do not want to lose them. If I leave, I lose everything. I am old and I am tired. In the time I have known you I have went from a youth with dreams, to an old man who just wants to become a hermit and wind out my days fishing alone by a small creek. I pray for the answer. I pray for an ending. I am tired.