• The Clicking Ceiling Fans

    by  • February 27, 2016 • * Safe for Work *, To You • 5 Comments

    Since I met you, I remember

    Since redeemed, I remember

    Since overwhelmed, I remember

    Since the first time you spoke my name, I remember

    Every moment in that room, every significant moment, every word, every thought and revalation were birthed in that very room. Every breath I took while watching you, was in that room. Every move you made, every time I shook, was in that room. Shaking from my tragic realizations, the feelings I had tried to burn inside of myself, but the matches set all of me ablaze and made a whole new flame that lead to a national wildfire.

    Accompanied by the ceiling fans. They clicked as my heart raced, spinning as my head spun, looking as though they were going to fall from the ceiling. Which was how I felt from the very beginning and still feel.

    Old, worthless room. No one would want it for any reason, the fans that barely work. They aren’t even circulating air anymore, just pushing the same air around and around, just as my feelings never change, they just keep getting pushed around just like that, just like they are as worthless as the air in that room.

    I remember, every moment, every whisper, every word spoken only inside of my mind. Speaking a language I couldn’t yet understand, which I never truly learned to speak. Just to grasp enough that I could go on.

    Please, do not continue to treat me like you do.
    Please, understand that you have more of an affect on me then you’ll ever know.

    Please, I need you, my essence is cracking.
    Please, my air is being suffocated from my lungs up into those ceiling fans.

    I wish I did not feel this way, but it is like the ceiling fans, old, and useless, but neccesary to the flow. Like if you got rid of them there would be something missing irreplaceably from the room. The foundation would crumble and that noise would cease to be, causing imbalance.

    I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m clearly being targeted, and hurt purposefully. You will be held accountable for your actions.

    You can’t continue on in the light while hiding in the dark.

    Those ceiling fans will only click and spin for so long until they fall to the ground, destroying, breaking, and disappearing, everything would be destroyed along with it, causing deaths.

    It would be the same as if I left. I am the fans life force. The air and oxygen of that room.

    Do not mess with what is known, and what you have, because even though you don’t appreciate those ceiling fans, if they were gone, you’d have nothing.

    Part of the old foundation cannot be destroyed or forgotten. Try, try to.

    Bring me to my knees, the fans will fall along with me.

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    5 Responses to The Clicking Ceiling Fans

    1. Gianna
      February 28, 2016 at 5:57 pm

      This is harrowing and beautiful. It is so evocative of transient travel love.




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    2. A
      February 28, 2016 at 10:22 pm

      God will deal my hand…I was thinking of my feelings man…
      Staring at the ceiling fan…Spinning round and round as my thoughts are just repeating and..




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    3. Oedipa Maas
      March 2, 2016 at 7:48 pm

      Truly brilliant. Has is occurred to you that some stones are better left unturned?




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    4. Peter C
      March 3, 2016 at 2:35 pm

      @oedipa … or perhaps some fans are better left unturned… 🙂

      @author – the danger in being able to write really well, as you do, is that the writing becomes a substitute for the reality. You bring so much of yourself to what you write, and to driving the analogy ever forward, that you loose the energy you need for the real thing. It’s prosaic, but may I recommend just starting with the essence. Seems to me you loved and love someone, that someone is pulling away / has distanced themselves, and you are increasingly lost. Just at a loss as to how to pull your life together, to figure out what comes next. And then there is a troubling reference to being targeted, being purposely hurt.

      Help us understand, and you will have more people in your corner. Good luck;

      Peter




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    5. Author @PeterC
      March 5, 2016 at 9:27 pm

      Thank you, any of your comments on my letters are always so helpful and well worded and I appreciate them very much.

      I am in a rough place now as you can gather from reading this. The person I love as of four years could never love me in return. They are in a position of authority where they play games with young people, such as myself.

      I’m in a place where it used to be friendly terms, but now everyone is showing me unkindness and hate. Dare I use the word as strong as hate, but I can see it in their eyes and feel it from them, from their actions and vibes.

      But my person, I don’t know where they stand. She isn’t mine and will never be and has never been. We just used to be close. Close as a game playing person can get to another. She doesn’t radiate hate towards me like the others, making me think I need to try and talk to her. But as she is my limerent object, that is a whole other issue. I can feel that she wants to speak to me as well, but is fearful to do so because she is aware of her actions against me and the others in the place as well. But I do miss her, and I fear I always will, my soul always has and does even when standing right next to her.

      I want and need help. I am lost and trying to figure out what to do next as you said. I appreciate your comment and please reply if you have any other questions or comments or advice, as I have always valued your input.

      I wish you luck as well.




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